Anybody fancy talking about psychological strategies (self help)?

[GarlicJuneBlooms]

My mainstays are:
Transactional Analysis (Eric Berne)
Compassion-focused therapies (Paul Gilbert)
Mindfulness meditations (like this)

They don't always work. I use a lot of other stuff, like schema therapy and NLP principles. That doesn't always work, either. But I honestly believe I become a nicer & more rounded human being as I do this work.

What do you use? Is anybody interested in a bit of sharing & mutual pompom waving?

I should have said I'm going for a sleep right now, so will be looking at this thread sometime in the middle of the night ...

Top two yes - reading PG's book on CFT now, it is readable and simple to pick out helpful bits.

NLP.

But also I've found faking it works a lot (confidence, bolshy when needed, an expectation to be treated in a certain manner).

Mindfulness and compassion focussed stuff, and any crossover between the two, i.e. compassionate mindfulness. These have been life changing for me. Also a daily strategy that I find helpful is positive data logging.

I have just started reading this book which presents an interesting, if simplistic, theory of romantic relationships.

Just had a quick read around "Imago therapy", Majestic, and it seems like a pared-down version of Schema with some essential communication skills. Very sound theory from what I can gather. I do remember doing this with XH2 - but he was just a cunt! I was doing it all by myself, which is never going to work in a relationship of two people ... Did me some good anyway, though. Are you working through it with your partner?

Thanks for the reminder about positive data logging :) I am now in the habit of doing it in my head (and out loud!) I'm having a very hard time at the moment, so it'd be a good idea to do it in writing as well.

Gilbert's book's my 'bible' these days, Silver. I lurves him! I think it's my best chance of overwriting a lifetime's worth of negative feedback - and seems to be working I'm the type who needs to know why something works, on a logical basis; his mashup of neurology, evolution & buddhism suits me - as peculiar as that summary must sound

Spotty, I think you're right that NLP is about 'faking it' to an extent. I've just retrieved my books, in hopes of finding tools I may have forgotten or skipped over. Reminders will be most welcome, if you ever feel like suggesting any.

I have another problem with faking it: my poxy Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I've been to two parties in the last month and, while I absolutely love being my 'old' self for a while (only less dysfunctional, I hope,) it totally wipes me out for as long as a fortnight. That leads to self-critical loops: I can't even wash & feed myself properly; if they could see me now; who am I kidding; this is awful; yadda, whine, yadda ... I know I need to find ways of coming fully to terms with my incapacities, but I'm not there yet and am hoping there might be a clue in the NLP books.

It makes mindfulness a challenge, as well. I'm supposed to respectfully acknowledge all the feedback my body's offering but, when that feedback's mostly unpleasant symptoms and its message seems to be "lie down and don't ever get up again", the temptation to just fucking hate my own self is strong. I'm okay to just sit with it - that took years - and watch a bee on the flowers or something. But there is some way of moving through this, which I haven't found yet.

The issue I've found with many people trying NLPis that they give up as they start to recognise their negative thoughts. One friend said to me 'I'm having more negative thoughts about myself than ever'. I'm pretty certain that it wasn't the case, and that she was simply catching those negative thoughts that might have slipped through her consciousness before and having to correct them to something positive. I wish she had stuck at it as she's funny, clever, talented and beautiful and it may have helped to to take her medication everyday.

I should add, I've not read any books on this for ages so I'm out of date with what's on the market. I did a pysch degree then worked in education. I've been too immersed in just juggling life and trying to struggle through must read classics in literature. I think I may have to go back to non fiction and fiction just isn't really doing it for me. The only book I've finished in the last five years is The Help, and even then it was based on real life experiences.

Hah, Spotty! I remember that when I started CBT! I couldn't use that sheet they give you with boxes to fill in, as my thoughts span off into incredibly complex loops and I needed an A4 sheet to follow each one through to its conclusion! I also found I had to stop being 'funny' for a while, on discovering that all my humour was based on negative thoughts. I'd start making a crack, realise it was a negative, correct it, and my joke disappeared

I do still find dark humour very funny - I've just stopped delivering my own (well, nearly. Some opportunities are too good to miss!)

The Help's the only novel I've finished recently, too. I'm wondering whether my insight's evolved to a point where most authors irritate me by not understanding their own characters I certainly can't read chicklit any more: it's gone from being pleasant brain candy to irritating babble. I keep getting cross that the narrative itself doesn't seem to see what's really going on ... Hmm, maybe I should have a go at writing short stories based on Games People Play?!

Today I am wandering out into the garden a lot. It's a 'seaside' day, sunny & blustery; the sheets that have been soaked and dried about ten times in the past two days are still out there, looking whiter than ever and flapping wildly in that very satisfying way sheets do. I'm not smelling much (blocked sinuses) but am hearing masses of birds, and all the music filtering out from various open windows. The wind feels warm on my legs. I'm going to see whether using pizza flour in the bread machine, with extra water & yeast, will make 'Italian' bread. Or just a brick of pizza, heh.