I've done a terrible thing.

[BrightSunshineyDay]

Waiting gor the health visitor to call me back.
Me and my dc have had a horrendous couple of years. Dh was sectioned but got it overturned after a week and has remained in hospital voluntarily since. He was physically and emotionally abusive to me and the dc in the lead up to his hospitalization. It has been a real struggle for all of us but finally feel we are coming out of the fog and managing more than just treading water.

There is one thing I haven't addressed though and I am terrified. I am 8.5months pregnant and haven't told a soul I am waiting for hv to call me back and I will tell her. I've ruined everything by hiding away and can't see a way out of this mess.

Then act today.. you need to get your pregnancy checked over ASAP.

I'm sorry you've been through the mill.. I hope things look up for you.

No real advice but didn't want to go unanswered.

You are nearly at term - has anyone noticed? Is there a reason you are keeping it a secret? You haven't ruined everything - you really have had a rough ride.

Any other support around you?

You haven't ruined anything :)

With all that on your plate it's no wonder you wanted to hide. I'm sure your HV will understand.

Tell her now, get checked over, and then you can have loads of support for the birth. In a few weeks you'll be holding your beautiful new dc. This is a new start for you and your family. Away from the violence and fear.

And until your HV gets in touch, we're all here too. You are not alone!

You need I get checked out. Don't be scared of telling though... I'm sure there are plenty of people who are in denial about pregnancy and don't let on until late. I bet lots of teen pregnancies are hidden for ages. Don't worry, from what you've written it's understandable.

Thankyou for your responses. Thankyou. I don't know why I haven't told anyone. This may seem at odds with my op but I am seen as someone who is seen as very 'together' & people commented on how well I have held things together for the dc. Except I haven't
I can't bring up this baby. I just can't. Not fair on the baby, not fair on my dc - I can't do it. we've all been through too much. The last 2 years have takenits toll on my mh and I need to address that.

Thankyou for your responses. Thankyou. I don't know why I haven't told anyone. This may seem at odds with my op but I am seen as someone who is seen as very 'together' & people commented on how well I have held things together for the dc. Except I haven't
I can't bring up this baby. I just can't. Not fair on the baby, not fair on my dc - I can't do it. we've all been through too much. The last 2 years have takenits toll on my mh and I need to address that.

Hey Bright,

You CAN do this, a new baby will bring you and the DC together, will be a source of positive optimism after all the hardship. The kids will love a new sibling. I know that newborns can be tiring but you know what you're doing. My friend did exactly the same with her 2nd DC as she'd split from partner and was embarrassed - it happens a lot - midwives/HV not going to be surprised.

You haven't ruined anything, your DC will be over the moon. Stop beating yourself up, you sound like a Mum who cares deeply about the welfare of your DC - that is all they need. Tell the kids tonight, make it real. Start getting the baby stuff ready. Allow yourself to feel excited. It's not how you planned it but it doesn't have to be an all out disaster. Tiredness is hard when you've been through a lot but it can still be managed.

Reduce your immediate stress by preparing for the birth, begin with some relaxation techniques (hypnobirthing book from amazon or ebay fantastic for this) so that you can have a comfortable labour and take care of yourself. Newborns need lots of feeds but also sleep a lot and are pretty portable.

Lower the bar in terms of what you expect from yourself. It is ok to muddle through this period. Get as much help as you can from HV/friend's/family whoever you trust most. Come on here for emotional support.

and Congratulations, this baby was obviously meant to be!!

Wanted to add, pls feel that you are able to tell the truth about the pregnancy to everyone including DC, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are entitled to say that you've been through a rough period and haven't had time to mentally prepare for the pregnancy so just kept putting off telling people as had so much on your plate.

I understand you're feeling fragile and a third child feels overwhelming but you really can do this. You've fought to hold everything together and feel like you need a break but this new baby needn't be something which breaks you. Make sure you get as much help as possible from HV etc

Ah yes, you're a trooper, aren't you? Everyone tells you how strong you are all the time?

Well they're right. You are incredibly strong. You just need some help right now. I wouldn't make any long term decisions about the baby while you're feeling rough. But there are lots of options. Maybe women's aid could help with some advice about help?

Have you spoken to your HV yet? No need to look at the 'forever' picture now, break it down into minutes. Right now you need to tell someone. That's it. Nothing else. Then maybe tomorrow you'll need to go for a check up. Just that. Nothing more. No decisions just go with the flow.

Because you are incredibly strong to have been through what you've gone through. You are a brilliant mother because you're putting your dcs first. I know you feel like you can't do any more, but this will be a walk in the park compared to what you've done already.

But for now, speak to HV. Then have a cuppa, eat dinner, put dcs in bed and do nothing for the rest of the evening. :)