Sometimes when people are severely depressed they cant talk. Meds are the initial help, to aid those in becoming comfortable enough to talk.
When we are in front of friends and family, it can be too easy to shut down and not talk, because you dont want to burden them, dont want to take up their time, dont want to be vulnerable, dont want to be judged...lots of reasons.
A counsellor is different. They chose a career in counselling because they want to help. They want to hear what you have to say. They dont care about judging, they arent worried about time, they are used to vulnerability. They want you to come for your session and rant, moan, cry, get angry, laugh, joke and any other emotion that you feel. Thats what makes them so invaluable.
Talk therapy helps. If it doesnt, you have the wrong counsellor so get a new one.I'd recommend it above anything else.
Aside from that. For milld to moderate depression you can do things that help yourself. For severe, then it is antidepressants, in the beginning.
For mild to moderate:
Challenge your thoughts. Understand that thoughts are just thoughts. you could sit there and think, hitler was a saint. Its a thought. It doesnt have to be logical, it doesnt have to make sense. Its a thought. But if you acknowledge that thought, write it down. Become an observer to your thoughts and not a slave, you can start to look at them properly. Is there any evidence to back up the thought? If someone else was having your thoughts and told you, what would you think, how would you advise? Take every thought and question it. Its the only way to learn a healthier way of thinking.
For example. John went for a promotion. He didnt get it, his best mate jack did. John thought he hadnt tried hard enough. That his boss mustnt like him. That he will never progress and in old age will not have a decent pension.
Then john learned to challenge his thoughts. He didnt get the promotion. Its healthy to feel disappointment. Who wouldnt? But when he thought about it logically he noted that jack had been there longer. That jack knew the skills needed for the promotion more than he did. That his boss had given him a raise at his appraisal. So really, his thoughts had no real evidence behind them. Instead they were irrational and he was catastrophising. So he congratulated jack and accepted he was disappointed but it didnt fester.
Exercise. Its proven to be as effective as an anti depressant. get out there. Walk. Whats going to happen to you? If you are afraid to, then the only way to not be afraid, is to do it and learn that after all, there was nothing to be afraid of.
Gratitude. We are all grateful for our kids. Our house and partners. But what about the small stuff? That bus driver that let you on for free? That cute puppy you bumped into that made you smile? That flower that caught your eye? That dinner that turned out better than you expected? Its so easy to forget the small stuff that made us momentarily smile. Each night before bed, remind yourself of them and go to sleep feeling positive.
Stop being so hard on yourself. There are enough people out there that will be hard on you for you. When you are beating yourself up, imagine you are facing a friend doing the same. What would you say? What would you do? Go to a mirror and look in it. Really look. And dont say to yourself, oh i look a state, i havent done my make up, i weigh too much. Smile at yourself and say, i love what i see. We only judge ourselves because of how we think others will. Let them, dont waste your time, helping them.
Learn to put yourself first. Yes we have kids, yes we have family and yes we have partners. But none of them will actually thank us for putting them first to the point we get ill. What makes you happy? A trip to the gym? A movie? A song? Pictures on the net? A nice bath? A bunch of flowers? A book? Being creative? Whatever it is, stop not doing it because you feel guilty because the washing needs done. We only get one life and the washing will wait. It all gets done in the end. Its not selfish to nurture yourself. Its selfish to sacrifice yourself for others, because you want their approval.
30 day challenges. Have you always wanted to learn a language? Maybe you want to floss every day? Or take the dog for a walk. Doesnt matter how big or small it is, pick one challenge and do it for thirty days. Why thirty days? Because thats the minimum it takes for a forced action to become a habit. And its an achievement.
Affirmations. Go to your mirror. Tell yourself that you are worth something. That you are worth loving. And tell yourself it in the evening to the mirror. To the mirror in the morning. The same one over and over for thirty days.
Mostly, accept what you have. An illness. A horrible, debiliating, scary illness. But one that you can help cure. You just have to realise it.