My mind continually focuses on the negatives. This goes way back to my earliest memories - most of my memories of childhood and teenage years are associated with negative emotions - times I did something wrong, got told off, felt guilty, felt embarrassed. I still think about things I did ages ago and feel all those negative emotions all over again.
It's the same with more recent things - in my current relationship there has been a lot of complexity and I have been quite hurt along the way (not really DP's fault, just how things are). I still cry over things that happened at the start of the year, or last year, and still tie myself in knots thinking about it. If we have an argument or disagreement, I have to work really hard to stop myself from bringing up things that happened ages ago which we/I should have moved on from. But because the emotions surrounding past hurts are still so raw, it's difficult.
As I am able to identify this problem, it's not like I'm not aware of it - but it's like my mind spirals away without me having control. It particularly happens when I'm on my own or when I'm trying to get to sleep - as I'm trying to switch off and get to sleep, my mind takes me on a tour of all the bad things that have ever happened to me, and it takes a lot of effort to switch it off. As soon as I start to relax and not consciously 'think', it all comes back. Also if something slightly negative were to happen i.e. an argument with my partner or something at work, I will then think back over all the other negative things in my life in the same way.
I have a tendency to over-worry about the future too - not sure if that's linked? For example I can cry my eyes out of the idea of a family member or DP dying, or myself being ill, of breaking up with my partner, and a hundred and one other things.
Does anyone else have this? I don't know what to do about it - I feel it is making me a very negative and sad person on the inside, but why on earth do I still hold on to things I did as a child, and why can I spend an hour sobbing over something that hasn't happened, and may not ever happen?