Crying all the time

[Littlef00t]

Sorry, just need to verbalise how I'm feeling.

I have a beautiful 12 week old DD, and in the last week I just can't cope. I find myself crying all the time.

It feels like everything is conspiring against me.

My DH has been unemployed since Christmas and we've started eating into savings that were supposed to buffer my mat pay, the unemployment is making his existing depression worse and me super anxious and depressed possibly. Neither of us is coping so the spiral is only down.

I'm breastfeeding still which is both a wonderful achievement, keeping me buoyed and bonded but also making me feel so stuck, and not getting more than 3 hours sleep at a time is breaking me. I know I can express, formula feed etc, but just more to do.

The anniversary of my mum's death was 10 days ago (16 years) which is probably not helping.

DD is struggling and screaming against every nap and bed time, and just in the last two days is crying after night feeds which she never did before. It's just so so draining. I think she is chronically overtired but don't know how to remedy.

I don't want to go on anti-ds, I don't want to stop breastfeeding (I know I can still on some meds), and I worry about being diagnosed with PND and social services getting involved.

DH being a star but I don't know how much longer he can cope for, and zaps the energy he needs for job hunting.

We have lovely friends but none that I feel we can burden, they all have their own challenges.

Aargh I can't see how this is going to get better.

Tea and sympathy appreciated. I know no one can solve our problems.

offers hand to hold
could have written a similar post a week ago, and my circumstances aren't anywhere near as stressful as yours sound.

I know you've said you don't want to take meds, but consider speaking to your gp or hv. I don't have any experience with social services, but don't see why social services would become involved just because you sought help.

Finally speaking to my gp & admitting (mainly to myself) I wasn't coping (after months of concerned dp gently suggesting I might need some help) has been a huge help in and of itself.

((HUGS)) Littlef00t. Having a young baby is stressful, and you were already in a stressful situation with your dh being unemployed. Maybe you should post on the children's health board for advice on your dd's crying. It sounds as if you feel overwhelmed but I wonder if expressing milk wouldn't help since your dh can then give some feeds so that you can get more rest. Not sleeping makes everything feel 10 times worse. I also agree with NotMrsTumble, you should ask for help. This is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. You've identified a problem and you're working towards resolving it by requesting assistance. Nobody can hold that against you. Lots of women have pnd and their babies don't get taken away.

Thanks whoever you are (not mrs tumble that much is clear ). I guess it's not unexpected to feel this way with everything going on.

Planning on ringing for a HV to pop round when I can drag myself out of bed. Cake is calling so hopefully soon.

Hope you're doing ok too now

LastingLight (lovely name), thanks for your sensible words. Getting up now.

Thanks Littlef00t definitely in a better place now, though I opted for meds and know I really should get in touch with the local mh team so I can deal with the underlying issues. Still, one step at a time eh?

Sure your hv will be helpful, asking for help and admitting you're not coping is hard but things should get better from there.

There is no reason for social services to get involved. Don't worry about them. I was diagnosed with PND after dd2 and I've never heard anything from or even about them!

It sounds silly, but are you on a good diet? Feeding can totally take it all out of you (fairly literally!) and if you are low on vitamins and magnesium it can make life so much harder to cope with, especially when it's as stressful as yours at the moment.

The health visitor should know how to help. ADs aren't always the answer, but sometimes they are. If it's a hormone and chemical imbalance, sometimes the best answer is medication to rebalance them for you. I fed for a year and a half on meds, and it made no difference. Though, obviously, you might not need to take them for that long.

And cake. Yes. Cake is good medicine.

Better day. Left msg for HV but no one got back to me, oh well. I'll ring again tomorrow.

Spent 3 hours at children's centre group which was good, and dd napped well so we're all feeling a bit happier.

Busying around doing housework has made me feel I've achieved even if I didn't manage to nap.

Plans made for tomorrow and interview offered to DH (yay but long shot and not enough money really)

Must try and eat better, at least we now have food in.

Don't feel the need to respond, I think writing it all down is helping me.

Started the longest calmest wind down for bed ever (as soon as she woke from her late nap) and gently sang and patted her into submission. She went to sleep with barely a peep

I doubt I can replicate but at least I didn't have 2 hours of screaming like the other night.

Don't know if I'm posting to soon as she's looking restless but here's hoping that's here for a few hours.

Glad to hear yesterday was a better day, I hope your night was restful too.

Feeling myself again now thanks, tired but normal so yay.

Think everything was a mix of me being stressed and her picking up on it, and her possibly going through a developmental period.

Lovely HV today answered lots of questions and gave suggestions. She is also napping so much better now we've moved her into our bedroom from downstairs.

Still crying after feeds but settles within 5-10 mins of spaced soothing. I can cope with it.

Got 4 hour stretch last night, feels like progress...