Why is it?

[stella69x]

The best time I feel I could share with my workers is the time I can not share at all?

My inhibitions prevent me from sharing, but sometimes I could do with sharing but they are never at the right times

Can you share here?

Maybe, I can try, just feel so negitive and reliant on others

Is this a recent thing? Do you have a disability? Can you give us dome more details? Then we may be able to help. Are there problems at work?

I feel so worthless at times and so not in control of myself.
I am needed to be in charge , in control, so self assured and miss fix it for others , it is so hard to admit that I'm not that together myself.
I have had episodes of depression before and I know I'm dropping again but can't reach out

Ha work is one place that makes me feel good, they appreciate me, say thank you for my efforts, make me feel valued in the short term

It feels like however hard I try other people benefit and I just struggle on. I have historic substance abuse and I am craving right now which doesn't help

Have you had medication before? This can help you to be in a place where you can ask for help. Have you considered counselling. Often opening up to strangers/professional is easier than folk closer to you. Your gp can refer you for counselling. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I find medication helps me nd counselling the same. I have posted similar to this before

Am with a 'woman's group' and don't feel comfortable asking my GP for help again, have chucked it in so many times thinking I can beat this as. 'There is nothing wrong' with my life, plenty of people have less than me

Yes I have had medication before, problem is I'm not sure what worked and what was not being abused. Dr not sure that medication any use, see above,so disillusioned right now.

I can only express my thoughts now as I have had a drink or two.
I am waiting to be alone so I can cry and let my unhappiness out , I time when I can cry as not to upset others and get cross with myself if I can not control my emotions in front of others.

Sounds so pathetic and needy read back.
I should really get a grip of myself. Look at my life from the outside , I have a roof, a job, think my self lucky

Just cross with everyone else, my perception, having it all. Just knowing I will never have it all no matter how hard I try.
Pissed off with myself that my 'having it all' is unrealistic at best and self harming at worst.
I hate being mediocre, and at best that is what I am , I can not be a freak and I am not outstanding,
I want to be something else, not me, just....

So sorry I fell asleep last night :( have a look for the "village" thread thats running on here just now. Lots of folk who feel similar. Aome dealing with major crap serious mental health isdues or just generally struggling with life. I get alot of support there. No one judges and its good to know we are not alone x

Stella, there doesn't have to be something wrong in your life for you to have depression. Sometimes it is triggered by stressful events but sometimes it just happens. Why does your doctor not think medication will help? I agree with LEM, counselling will also be beneficial.