Can't stop the thoughts

[noexcuseiammental]

NC for this

I am just not sure what to do now, I am really struggling for reasons to stay alive. Maybe I need a hand hold, or a kick up the arse. I just don't know I want to be here but I know its not the best for my partner or my son

OP I am so sorry you feel like this. It is a temporary feeling, not forever. Your DP and DS would definitely not be better off without you.

Please call Samaritans

Virtual hand hold here too.

Thank you for the hand hold, I have already tried my crisis team and the samartians to be told that I just need to focus on the posistives,

If it was that simple then I would be fine

It's definitely not that easy or simple, I know.
I'm so sorry.

Why do you think you feel so low?

Just seen this thread.

Do you want to say what is troubling you?

You are clearly feeling very distressed and I'm so sorry you got such unhelpful responses from people who should have of more help. You have a dp and son who you presumably love and they love you back... that there is two huge reasons to stay alive.

I've been there too and yes, that's not great advice.

I had patches where I really, really wanted to die. At first I stayed alive because I felt guilty about how my family would feel if I killed myself. When that wasn't working so well I told myself that yes, I'd do it in 24 hours if I still wanted to but in the meantime I was going to do as much good stuff as possible. Whether that was ticking off jobs I'd meant to do for ages, clearing a room out, takeaway dinner, new book... When the 24 hours was up the urge had usually worn off. The other thing I do (from my therapist) is step back and watch myself as if I'm a character in a book or something, it really seems to help with analysing my feelings and getting stuff in a sort of perspective. And now I'm rebuilding my life and feeling that it might actually be worth living.

Oh and use MN. I started a thread very similar to this one and the responses saved my life.

I hope that helps.

When people mention focussing on any positives in life, I think they are trying to get you to identify 'protective factors' ultimately to give you a reason to stay alive. But, I know, when the world is black, it's not possible to see the positives at all. Often, we feel that those people (the positives) would be better off without us.
During those times, I find it helpful to focus on the next 5 minutes…or the next minute if needs be. Get through the 5 minutes, then the next..Just focus on that. Surf the net for 5 minutes, have a wee…whatever. It sounds simple but I have to keep it simple or it's overwhelming. It's hideous. I hope you're starting to feel a little better.

Again, just put it off for short short periods of time. I find playing minesweeper/bejewelled type games can pass time till you feel a little better. Just keep going a little longer, it will get better, I promise.

Thank you all so much for your response.

I am just really struggling, my doctor thinks I might be bipolar, but the mental health team need to diagnoise me. In the meantime I need to keep taking the pills she has given me.

The pills I don't believe are helping, I am still going from widely depressed to widely manic. (I had two days where my house didn't look like anyone lived in it, it was so clean)

I try to keep positive and keep saying to myself just get through one more day, but its not working anymore. I think the fact I am not sleeping is not helping, this is not through lack of trying.

I just don't see the point of being here any more

How long have you been talking the pills, and how long must you wait for mental health team to assess you?

I've had mh problems since my teens, been taking pills and having therapy for more than 12 years now. You're right, not sleeping is the pits and definitely breaks down your ability to handle other symptoms.

Mental illness tells us lies: You are useless / your loved ones will be better off without you / life is not worth living / things will never get better. None of it is true. I know it feels absolutely like reality to you right now but from experience I know that it's not.

If you're feeling suicidal please tell your doctor or go to a&e, you need and deserve help urgently. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You would ask for help if your leg was broken or your chest hurting, this is exactly the same. You may have to shout harder to make yourself heard. Can your dp be your advocate?

Hang in there, 5 minutes at a time if necessary. Here's a hand for you to hold and some .

Thank you

I have been very resitant to pills, since I classed myself as depressed but not sucicidal this changed a few months ago when I tried to kill myself. My OH reminded me that while he would support me with the no pills while I was managing I was taking the piss now and I had broken the deal and would now have to go on AD's. Which I felt was fair enough.

I am now on streplin (sp) which I have been on for 6 weeks now. I am not sure they are making a difference and the last time I went to the doctor she mentioned bi polar. Which I have said in the past, but was very unsure of using as a diagnoises (I was using doctor google)

This Wednesday is when I have an app with the mental health team. Although this has been a 6 month mission to get this far, so I am not hopeful.

The sleep not happening is due to DS, deciding 3am-5am is a lovely time to be awake. and although we try not to be in his room I won't go to sleep till I know he is, this is mainly due to the fact he bangs on the wall in room which is the joining wall to our neighbours.

I have been round to speak to them and they understand but they have done the child rearing bit and it seems like a piss take to say really sorry have no idea when he is going to stop but he is just a child. Enjoy your 3am wakeup calls. He is cute

Having said that we have got a makeshift wall softener today so hopefully that is going to help