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No-one in RL to talk to..

11 replies

Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 10:24

Posting here, no-one in RL to talk to. Hope you don't mind. Am on the last 4-5 days of finishing my final project for uni. Obviously stressed and tired; lots still to do. It's been quite a battle. Today, I heard that my NC Mum (her choice, nearly twenty years ago , haven't seen her at all for ten. Met her maybe 3 times growing up in my teens) decided to get in contact with the family. She does this occasionally, and I ignore her because she has really complex MH issues. The main reason I ignore her is because she is in a relationship with some-one that I wouldn't want around my DD, and who has really, really hurt me in the past (don't want to go in detail- want to respect everyone on this board). She has left a message on my Grandfather's answer phone, saying she wants to visit. It's the only number she has. But my Grandfather died in January; she doesn't know. My Auntie picked it up. That's not her Dad, but my Dad's side of the family. My Mum doesn't know my address, mobile number, e-mail nothing.

I really need to get on and do some housework, get dressed properly (dropped to DD to school without a shower) and finish my big project, but am sat here crying instead. I really hate how she thinks she cam just turn up in my life as and when she feels like it. She has never end met my DD. She just makes me feel so rubbish, and doesn't even know me.

Sorry, just wanted to get that out and I have no-one in RL to talk to. I feel so lonely.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 23/05/2014 11:38

You don't have to get in contact with this woman, if it's better for you and your mental health you have absolutely no obligation to see her so please try not to worry and get yourself worked up Flowers

Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 11:48

There's no point in contacting her, it would put my DD in a really dangerous situation. I don't know what she wants or stands to gain from it- and I just really, really want to finish my work because I'm running out of time- not worry about her

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LastingLight · 23/05/2014 12:16

(((HUGS))) You're very stressed because of your studies and when one is that stressed your defenses are down and it's difficult to handle things that you would normally just shrug off. You're so nearly there with finishing uni, and you thought you would never pull it off! You're an amazing woman who has risen above her circumstances. Don't give your mother the power to upset you so much, she doesn't deserve it.

Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 12:36

Thank you. My academic friend (a teacher) has just sent back my abstract- she says my thesis looks great. I am currently working on making the main body of it a work of art before I reference. Though I suspect that might take a few days as there's just s much stuff!

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Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 15:49

:( I have been thinking about this all day. It has really got to me. So upsetting, every time she gets in touch I just don't know what to do; just such a horrible reminder of the past I am trying to escape from.

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Forgettable · 23/05/2014 16:09

Have you told your family that you don't want to know of any attempts made to contact you via them? Presuming your aunt told you that a message had been left.

Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 16:19

My Dad forwarded a e-mail from my Aunt. I haven't spoken to my Dad in a while either. My aunt was asking me to get a message to my Mum, but I don't even have a number/ e-mail/ address for her. I think they don't really know what to do. She phoned, and she doesn't know my Grandfather passed away. It's not her Dad, and I don't really know my Mum, but I think if she finds out, she will cause a scene. It sounds bad because she has MH issues (we think, don't really know), and I have depression and PTSD too. I do so understand, but I don't know to deal with it.

OP posts:
Forgettable · 23/05/2014 16:24

Tell them all firmly that you do not want any information or discussion about her please thankyouverymuch

If they insist on trying to coerce you into makng contact, well, they might need to be cut too

Forgettable · 23/05/2014 16:26

Tell them all firmly that you do not want any information or discussion about her please thankyouverymuch

If they insist on trying to coerce you into makng contact, well, they might need to be cut too

You need to protect yourself

karalime · 23/05/2014 16:30

Is there anything you can actually do about this right now? It seems like you feel responsible for telling her but it's not like you can. There is only so much you can do and you have to put your daughter and your own mental health first.

You sound like you are doing brilliantly anyway, good luck with your final project x

Katkins1 · 23/05/2014 17:03

I know there's nothing I can do. Every time she appears (less and less frequently), it totally tips my world upside down and brings back so many memories. It actually makes me want throw up.

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