Not well (bipolar disorder) and DH says we should stop TTC

[owlborn]

Mostly what it says on the tin.

I'm just out of hospital after a manic episode. I'm still seeing the home care team once per day and am on chlonazepam and zoplicone on top of my normal drugs. I went into hospital because I thought I had to kill myself and if I didn't, my friends would kill me or push me under a bus. I was getting agitated and angry and upset and threatening to run away somewhere where nobody could find me, and alternating that with feeling that I should kill myself and was just being weak and selfish and letting everyone down by not.

I'm a lot better, but I'm still twitchy and agitated and keep getting stressed and wanting to run again. I guess I know DH is being fair and it's not right to bring a child into this. I need to be well again, but it just hurts so much that it's been put off again and I'm scared that I'm never going to be well, never going to have my family, all because of my stupid stupid brain.

I am not sure why I'm posting here. I guess because I don't know where else I can express how upset and disappointed I am that my family isn't going to happen for a while, maybe not ever.

I am full of sympathy for you - mental illness is so awful and you're obviously having a horrible time, I'm so sorry.

Your DH is right though

No, I know he is. I know we can't do this right now. It just hurts.

Sorry, I hadn't finished my post.

I wanted to say that this is only a temporary thing, and that you will be able to resume ttc once you've stabilised, presumably? And I don't mean that to sound glib or patronising, as I know you're going through hell right now. Are your doctors aware that you want to start a family? Are they working towards this goal with you?

It sounds as though the drugs are working, at least a little..?

xx

It's hard but agree with dh. Pregnancy messes with your hormones and head, so does giving birth etc. It's best to start from a nice stable base. Let things even out...it sounds like you are improving. Agree should let gp know you'd like kids. Especially re meds etc. You will get there...it just sounds like right this minute isn't the best time, and it must be incredibly frustrating for you x

Pdoc knows and before this episode was supportive as I'd been pretty straight for two years. Then this happened and it just knocked us out of the water.

Seeing pdoc today to talk meds and children and I am trying hard to not cry. I just want a normal life so badly but whenever we seem to be getting close, things slip out of reach.

Bless you. How did the appointment go?

Hello. I'm sorry - I forgot to check this site for ages! Appointment with pdoc wasn't great - basically, she needs to talk to one of her colleagues to discuss meds. I'm being really faddy - I want to not put on weight, be too fuzzy to drive (once I've been symptom free for three months) and want a drug which is pregnancy friendly and she's not sure what will work.

She is supportive and that gives me hope, and DH says he still wants kids. It's just that he needs for the time to be right and for us to be a little more stable. Bless him, he's gone through hell with me lately so I can't blame him.

It's tough, but I have hope still. Thank you to everyone for being lovely.

Hi owlborn,

Please could you let me know how you get on with pdoc? I am in exactly the same position as you... So scared

Thanks