How can I help my friend?

[adviceonhowtohelp]

I've name changed for this in case anyone works out who my friend is from my posts. Apologies as this is going to be long.

Five years ago, a really good friend was attacked outside her house. The police never caught her attacker. As a result of the horrific experience, she moved less than six months later because she didn't feel safe in her own home. She had a history of depression before this. She also works in mental health - a lot of what she deals with is traumatic/dramatic and very draining from what she has told me.

She always liked a drink and would often get drunk in lots of different situations, but her drinking has become heavier since she was attacked. I think she may be a functioning alcoholic - not sure if this is correct by the way. If she didn't have a drink every day, I would be surprised. When she is out with others, she never just has a glass of wine, she orders a bottle, then another and another. At friends' houses, in restaurants, etc if someone is topping up glasses, she drains hers first to get a full one. We went to a gig on Friday and she was half-cut when I met her at 7.30. Staggering by the end of it, although I had bought her some water in the hope it would slow her down - I made sure she was safely in a black cab home and texted her to check she was okay.

In the past she has confided that she wanted to take up the offer of counselling after she was attacked, but when she rang the number she was given she got an answering machine and couldn't bring herself to leave a message.

A couple of weeks ago she told me she gave up drinking for a month earlier in the year - we hadn't seen each other for a while, but this brought on her depression and she is now on anti-depressants (don't know which ones) again. She isn't supposed to drink while taking them. My thoughts are the lack of drinking for a month meant her feelings weren't masked and she couldn't deal with them. Going back to drinking is her way of masking how she feels.

I want to help her - her health and her safety are in danger because of her drinking and she clearly needs to deal with what has happened to her. Can anyone suggest what I can do?

oh dear.

Tread carefully? If she works in MH she will be completely aware that she is drinking too much (and the fact that she gave it up for a bit). Personally, I wouldn't confront her drinking with her, as she might well end up isolating herself to drink in private, where no-one can judge.

It sounds like you are a great friend, checking that she is ok...looking after her...she is lucky to have you although it can't be easy seeing your friend like this. It sounds like you are very clued up as to why she she could be doing this. Have you suggested to her that she follow up the counselling? In a tactful and roundabout sort of way Or maybe offer to support her in accessing counselling/going to GP to ask for counselling? She's confided in you about the attack, and the fact that she is on anti depressants...it sounds like she trusts you and you are in a good position to try and nudge her in a helpful direction. Maybe try and encourage her to meet up with you in situations that don't involve drinking (encouraging her to do some exercise for example with you?).

I think the most important thing is to keep being there for her. It sounds like you are doing great. Good luck xxx

I'm kicking myself that I didn't ask her why she stopped drinking for a month, but I can ask at another time. I suspect some of her problems stem from the death of a parent when she was in her late teens. Her family is very fractured now.

I think she's scared of facing up to things, hence the drinking, and is worried she'll unravel because on the face of it she is happy-go-lucky. What I would like to do is persuade her to seek counselling - I'd gladly help her contact the right organisation. Unfortunately I've known someone else in my life who I suspected was an alcoholic who was having unsuccessful treatment for anxiety and depression and that person's life ended tragically. I don't want that for my friend.