hi

[ferretmad]

Hi everyone i am new here, i have been feeling down for so long that i cannot remember when i was last truely happy.

I have 2 kids, dd aged 3 1/2 and ds 19 months, i love them to pieces, dd has cerebral palsy due to her being born at 28 weeks.

I think it will help if i write a list of my problems, sorry if this is a long post but i need to write it down.

I have no friends.
I am stuck in a 2 bed council flat with no garden for the kids to play in.
I used to have friends but my best mate betrayed me and took all my other friends with her.
All my family live 6 hours away from me.
my dp works 12 hours a day.
i am stuck indoors all day with no-one but the kids to talk to.
i have tried all the mum and baby groups etc, but no-one there really clicked with me.
i feel like a useless mum cos the kids are stuck indoors all day as we dont have a garden and the nearest place they can go is a 20 min car drive away.

there are lots of other things but i think i have used up enough of this post now.
sorry if this is so long.

Oh hun

You must be exhausted and lonely. I dont know what to suggest. What does DP say about all this? Does he know how you feel?

dp knows how i feel but he is no good with dealing with emotions, he will often change the subject, i know he doesnt mean to but he gets all shy and doesnt know what to say.

I just want a life, i often go to sleep and dream that i have lots of friends to go and visit and have a nice 3 bedroom house with a garden for my kids to play in.

It is my birthday in a couple of weeks and i really hope everyone will forget it, i'm only 21 but i feel as if i'm 50, i have been through so much crap in my life i could write a series of books!

Well, you have come to the right place. Check out the meet up boards. Everyone is lovely here. Sometimes its a bit of a traipse to a meet up, however, if you can keep in contact by email or msn then thats a start.

Whereabouts are you?

Hello ferretmad. You sound like you've got a lot to cope with, sweetheart. Could you go and talk to your GP - perhaps it might help to talk things through with a counsellor? I'm also sure you'll get some good advice on MN from people who have been through similar experiences.

I'm from bristol.

I went to my gp before i was put on anti-depressants, i tried 4 different types and suffered bad side effects with all of them, they offered me councelling but the woman i went to was not very helpful and i have had bad experiences with councillors in the past when i was a secondary school.

I just feel as if my life is stuck in an endless cycle of getting up sorting the kids out, making lunch and tea, cleaning and then going to bed.

I am tired by 11pm but if i go to bed i just lie there for at least 3 hours before i can finally get to sleep, the kids often have me up 3 times a nightas they dont share a bedroom very well, last night both the kids had pooed in their nappies whilst in their room and took them off and smeared them everywhere (this is the 8th time they've done this) so i spent 4 hours cleaning and disinfecting their room an ripping up the carpet.

I just need some adult company, tlaking really helps me.

Can you go back and see a different GP?

Its such hard work having children. I utterly sympathise. Particularly if you are on your own.

There are lots of MNers in Bristol...why dont you have a look in meet-ups and see if there is one happening near you, or, start a thread of your own?

hello ferretmad and welcome to mumsnet

I'm so sorry life is so difficult for you at the moment - as the others have said, mn is a great place to find friendship and support. Look forward to chatting with you x

Well i have just posted on the meet up board so fingers crossed!

All the gp's at my surgery are old and set in their ways, and the only other nearest gp surgery to us has old doctors as well and i've not heard good reviews about the place.

I even had a health visitor come out to see me the other week and i told her my problems and the only words she said were "well i cant do anything for you and i have to go now as i have to go see another mum, bye"!!!!!!!!

my usual health visitor has gone to africa for 6 months and he is really great and has helped me so much like getting my dd in nursery when she was 2 due to her cerebral palsy and it has helped her so much.

I also smoke and i tried to give up last week but found myself shouting at the kids for no reason and crying for no reason so i started smoking again

Smoking isnt good for you, as you know, but, i think all things considered, you have enough on your plate without worrying about giving up smoking. Dont kick yourself for it.

I hope you get some responses to your meet up post. But, you might need to "bump" it a bit, because, whilst its quiet at the moment, it can get very busy during the day.

Good luck.

thanx for bumping my post hun.

NO problem. Give it a few days for people to post though.