Are mental health problems "not coping"?

[Howmuch101]

It seems to be the underlying, unsaid thing toward me (I suffer from severe anxiety since having DC.

My family members ask others "how they've coped" since having second DC - and so I infer from that I haven't "coped" very well.

So is that what "not coping" is in polite form? In the acceptable form?

I don't feel I've coped very well with having two and I too suffer from anxiety. Always present but has got worse since having DC.I think it's a good sign that family members are looking out for you. Emotional support is definitely the thing you need right now.

Do you feel you are coping? THe first year with two is very very hard for most people, let alone when you have anxiety.

Yes first year DONE and excuse my French...thank FUCK!

The severe anxiety disorder is still heinous but at least I feel a bit more of this planet now.

I just feel pissed off in that MH probs feel like something that have happened to me - like a condition or a disease. Not something that I've been part of and "not coped" with. That phrase makes me feel like a failure.

It's so hard isn't it Jeregrette? How old are your DC? Mine are just turned 3 and just turned 1.

I don't have an anxiety disorder as such but I do have anxiety that manifests itself in certain situations( some social and particularly difficult parenting situations) and makes me rather controlling and routine driven.

Regrettably my DD1 seems to have a rather anxious personality, acquired from me (genetically/ environment?) so I am trying to control my emotions around her as my anxiety makes her anxious which then makes me more anxious. It's difficult though.

Mine are 6 and 3.

2 year gap- that's tough, especially those ages. Does improve when they play together (though more squabbling).

You are right "not coping" is not a nice phrase and suggests that you are not doing as well as other people when in fact you are doing well despite your anxiety(which is a part of you like your eye colour and not your fault). Far better to think this is me this is a part of me. I am not going to apologise for it.

Hi , Howmuch101. Not being able to cope with every day life and if too many thing happen. I cant cope and just close down, I end up pulling all the phone plugs out, don't answer the phone or door. I get envious becuse other people can do things and
take things in their stride and I can;t Unless you are going through clnical depression and terrible bouts of anxiety. No one knows what it is like. It is a debilitating illness. Unfortunately, I am in a bad place just know and all I can do is ride it out.

No, of course MH issues does NOT equal 'not coping' - that is a rather ill-considered thing to say.

MH problems may get aggravated by being under pressure/stress/sleep-deprived, but are not the same as 'not coping'.

I was severely tested by high-needs DS1 who screamed the entirety of his first year (or so it seemed at the time), but at no point did I have MH problems - thank goodness, it was hard enough whilst I was healthy and hale.

Be very kind to yourself. It DOES get better/easier, but I would also prioritise to address your anxiety.
IME (with others) anxiety does not necessarily get better by itself as babies get older - the become more independents, their horizons widen and there is a whole other set of things to worry about. And it's not nice when a child is old enough to pick up on their parent's anxieties and starts reacting to them.

You are doing a really hard job that does not get acknowledged enough. Doing the mothering thing while not well is even harder so you should have a pat on the back and not be undermined with criticism such as 'not coping'

I absolutely loathe it when people implied I was not coping when I had PND. They really wouldn't have dreamed of saying that had I had a physical condition that left me hospitalised or something. Feck the Feck off with yer "not coping" can you tell this got to me?!