Growing anxiety

[puzzlepiecebehindthecouch]

Hi there, have namechanged for this. Have wanted to post for a while, but have been a little nervous to, and still not quite sure what I will say. Perhaps it's better if I join the general anxiety support thread - apologies if that's what I ought to have done instead of posting this.

I guess I am looking for some support / advice / ideas on how to manage how I'm feeling. Or just some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels like this!

I have always been 'mercurial' in terms of up and down mood, and suffer on and off from stress, anxiety, OCD and mild depression. I have a lovely baby DD and a very supportive DH, and manage pretty well day to day (currently on maternity leave). I have had a lot going on in my life over the last six months, including an international relocation, and the illness and subsequent passing away of a close family member. Not to mention first time motherhood, which in itself is fantastic but of course quite overwhelming!

But right now I am incredibly anxious, and it's been a lot worse recently, which is what has prompted me to post. The anxiety is really bothering me, and now I am getting anxious about being anxious - it feels like a vicious circle.

To give some examples of how I am feeling.... A lot of the time I'm fine but then....

The smallest and most trivial of things suddenly seem overwhelming or unmanageable. I might then suddenly feel almost paralysed when trying to do something totally simple, unable to speak or move.

I panic about how I will cope if I'm on my own (when DH goes back to work after the weekend etc).

I feel totally flooded by the amount of things I 'need' to do, even if they are apparently easy tasks.

I have a general feeling of not being good enough, competent enough, able enough to manage.

I worry about money and spend a lot of time fretting over figures and budgets, the weekly shop etc.

I get waves of sadness about my recent bereavement, and would like to talk about it but feel like I can't, even though my DH, brother or mother would be wonderfully supportive. I just feel too sad to even allow the words to come out of my mouth, plus I feel that whatever I said would be futile, as they wouldn't make the person come back.

I do appreciate that a lot of this is trivial compared to what some people are going through, but I am very concerned that my anxiety levels are gradually getting a lot higher, and despite my being able to see objectively that I am doing a good enough job of looking after my daughter, house, finances etc, I am just getting swamped by the anxiety that I am NOT doing a good enough job. Does that make any sense?! It's miserable and I just can't shake it off.

My DH is wonderful with me, very patient and kind indeed, but I know he is beginning to wonder how he can best help me. I try to explain what I need, but sometimes I am not sure myself how he can help me get 'better'. I feel like I need more than support to just manage, I need to actually move towards a way of feeling different.

Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom, and thanks for having me to visit here in the Mental Health forum....feels good to know there's somewhere safe I can share this stuff

have you been to the GP?

because it really sounds like you need a bit of extra support with all that you have been through

No Lilaclily, I haven't, although I've thought about it. I used to see a really good counsellor but she retired, and then we moved. Not sure if I could see someone where we live now - I expect I probably could but would need to find someone English speaking, so it all seems a little tricky, and I anticipate probably expensive My DH thinks it would be a good idea and we could use savings if needed to pay for it. I'm open to it, but nervous that I wouldn't find someone who I was as comfortable with as my previous counsellor.

I mean, I haven't seen anyone recently, 'this time around' as it were.

I was very similar to you 8 years ago. I lost my mum and my cousin. We had to relocate (only nationally) I had a young dd and another on the way and my anxiety levels were through the roof for a long time. I went to the gp and was prescribed citalopram for the anxiety. I didn't take it because the side effects sounded awful. I just struggled through. I'm now suffering from anxiety again and again I've been prescribed citalopram. I'm on day 5 and I havent had any awful side effects yet. I probably should have taken them years ago. Have you thought of having some bereavement counselling to support you through this tough time. It doesn't sound trivial at all

puzzle sorry to hear you're feeling so crap. I just wanted to say your post could have been written by me a few weeks ago - I struggled for months with horrible, crippling anxiety and was determined to 'cope' on my own. My DH is lovely, everything in my life is good, so it was almost impossible to know what to do to help myself because nothing actually needed to change -apart from my relentless, whirling anxiety.... Which is easier said than done.

Anyway I was eventually frogmarched to my GP by a lovely friend who was worried about me. I told my GP exactly his I was feeling (very similar to you), or tried to between the sobs anyway! I was really scared of taking any pills, but he explained how anxiety can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, just like depression, and that I should give meds a try as he had seen fantastic results with them over and over again.

So I agreed. And I am now six and a bit weeks in with them. I won't lie, the first few days were pretty crappy. I felt nauseous, headachey, and my anxiety got worse for a good few days - these are all common side effects. But after about ten days the side effects wore off, and although I still had ups and downs, I could feel my anxiety steadily fading. After a couple of weeks I noticed I was waking up in the morning with no churning in my stomach and no feeling of panic that I had another day to get through feeling awful.

Now I still have wobbly moments, but I am feeling so, so much better than I was - and according to my GP it is still v early days and I'm still probably not getting the full effects yet.

I am so glad I have finally faced the fact that I needed help and actually wish id done it months ago . Sorry this is so long, btw!

Thank you alittlebitmeh and chuffchuff for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate it and am glad you are both feeling a little brighter now. Sorry for your losses alittlebitmeh, that must have been such a hard time.

Interesting to learn that the anxiety can have a chemical imbalance cause too - I didn't realise that. I hadn't even considered that medication could be an option. I guess at this point I am erring away from medication if I can, due to still breastfeeding (although maybe the tablets are okay with breastfeeding?). I definitely think if I was still in the UK I would be looking for a counsellor again.

I haven't had any bereavement counselling alittlebitmeh, mainly due to the move - it would have been available via the hospice where my dad died, and I think perhaps I could still have access to it if I were back in the UK - maybe even a one off or couple of sessions would be useful. Part of me thinks, though, (and I know this is really awful) that I can't see what the point would be of bereavement counselling, as ultimately the only thing I would really want, ie. my dad back, would be the only thing they couldn't do. However I very much realise that that view is based on my ignorance of what bereavement counselling actually entails, and I am sure that it would actually be pretty helpful. I guess perhaps the fact I am still a bit 'anti' means I'm maybe not ready to take that step yet.

Today has been a slightly better day, although, ironically, whenever I feel a little better, I feel stupid for feeling happy, or enjoying whatever I'm doing. Such a frustrating part of the whole anxiety experience - it's almost like someone's saying 'ha ha, look at you feeling all chipper you fool, you wait, you'll feel shit again soon'. Fun . Does anyone else ever feel like that? How do you manage to combat it?

for anyone reading, again, it feels good just to have somewhere to get these feelings all out!

puzzle glad you're feeling a bit better today.

Re taking anti depressants for anxiety when you're breast feeding - I know the one I'm on (sertraline) is also prescribed for people with postnatal depression, and is supposed to be ok for breast feeding, but obviously you would want to check that out for yourself. I just mean really that if you were thinking you might want to try something like that, breast feeding doesn't necessarily rule medication out.