Anxiety help

[MommaCat]

I'm not really sure what's going on with me but today has just been an excruciating long day and I honestly feel I can't cope any more.
I haven't left the house in about a week because every time I think about it I just burst into tears. Which has led me to fuck up my degree by missing my last exam. Every time I'm left on my own I just feel like I can't cope, OH works evenings and weekends and whenever he leaves I just cry. We have a 15 month old son and I love him so much but if I'm not constantly doing something I get stuck in my own head and just fall apart.
For the past 3 months I've been surviving on about 4 hours sleep a night, I can't sleep unless I am so tired I can;t keep my eyes open because if I lie in bed my head starts whirring and I end up having a panic attack, and then I wake up most mornings with my heart pumping, covered in sweat.
I keep telling OH I can;t cope and I don;t think he quite gets it, my parents know I'm struggling but just brush it off. I feel like I'm shouting for help and no one is paying any attention, I know I can't expect them to understand if I don't talk about it to them but when they constantly just brushing it off, you'r fine you just need a nap, I feel like they won't listen to me. My brother and mum suffer with depression so I honestly thought they would get it but it's like they compare their problems to mine and have decided I have nothing to moan about.
I went to my GP about a fortnight ago and he did some blood tests to check everything was ok with those (which it was) and directed me to a website called livelifetothefull, I had a look but honestly the last thing I want to be doing is just thinking about how I'm feeling because I just try to keep busy. He also said tablets aren't a good idea because I need to sort it out on my own rather than take tablets, I get that but while I was sat crying uncontrollably telling him there's something wrong in my head and I can't controll it, it didn't seem like helpful advice.

I don't know what to do and this might seem a bit dramatic but sometimes I just feel like if I got hit by a bus or got really ill it would be a relife to just be looked after and not have to think for a while. I don;t know if that makes sense?

I'm sorry you're struggling - and your tiredness from not sleeping must be making all this seem 100 times worse.

Can't quite believe that you went to your GP in a great deal of distress and fine he did some blood tests, but then he just referred you to a website and said tablets weren't a good idea? Is he for real? It seems to me that you were brave enough to recognise that you needed some help, at least in the short term, yet you got no recognition at all. Its frankly disgusting.

Please go back to your GP (maybe another GP if there's someone else available) and ask if you can have a prescription (several options for panic attacks / anxiety), plus also perhaps a referral to some counselling. Hopefully if you explain this again he/she will see its not a 'one off' and take you more seriously.

Did you explain to your GP the effect that this has had on your degree? If not, then you should. Also please try to contact a tutor / welfare officer at your university - there must be some submission you can make with regard to illness? Can alternative arrangements be made for your exam?

Hope you feel better soon.

I did think the GP was a bit odd, but thought maybe they didn't have anything to help me. I will make another appointment with a different doctor, I was struggling with making the effort to go back because I just felt like I was over reacting and that's why he sent me away.
It's upsetting because I know this isn't me, it's like I'm constantly fighting against my own head and it wins every time.
I haven't contacted anyone at university, I think the fact I've had no help from anyone was putting me off, because I didn;t want to just seem like I was making excuses for not bothering. When actually I just feel genuinely helpless. I might be able to retake it in august, which might give me some time to sort out something with the GP.
Thanks for helping me, it feels like I've been screaming at everyone around me for help but they still won't listen!

universities have free and self referral counselling which may be your quickest way to access some talking held for fre. And they can help you with the university and exam situation.

Uni's have re sits as an option so you have not failed, just deferred getting your result right now, I would imagine. A dr's note after missing the exam is not likely to help unless the dr knew how ill you were at the time of the exam, as no medical evidence until too late, I would think.

Do you think the stress of finishing uni has been a factor in how you are?

Tackling your sleep may be one strategy that can help you as lack of sleep and routine is one contributing factor to making mental health issues worse ( as well as a symptom). It can be hard work sorting out sleep but things that help me are:
Get up same time each day no matter how tired
Never have naps in the day as that stops night time sleep
No alcohol
No caffeine later in day
Fresh air in the day and keeping active a bit, even if force myself to walk to a shop to buy milk to get those criteria met
No screen time an hour before bed ( screens do something to wake brain up scientifically but cannot remember what!)

You definitely need to see another doctor. An illness that affects your life severely needs help, not a casual therapy website. You don't need to be hit by a bus, this is illness enough and you should put your foot down and explain to your family. This is most likely caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain and body, which is just as serious as any other physical illness.

SSRIs are a regular go-to anti-depressant for anxiety and depression. I'm surprised your doctor didn't take you seriously enough to suggest them.

Until then steer clear of caffeine (I know, tough if you're tired!), as it really activates all the wrong chemicals in you, even the smallest amount doses you up if your seratonin and dopamine are unbalanced. Rooibos tea is brilliant, it sounds silly advising tea when you feel horrific, and I sneered at it at first, but I find it really good and it helps soothe that churning burning anxious feeling.

Maybe push yourself just to walk around the block. Once you get stuck inside it's harder to get out. And a walk around the block can be a major achievement that might kick you into feeling a little bit more hopeful.

Hope you are feeling a bit better this afternoon!

I've spoken to a different doctor today on the phone today, and he was so lovely and so I've got an appointment on Thursday, he said I definitely need some help and shouldn't have been left to deal with this on my own. So hopefully will get it sorted.
Thanks for the caffeine tip, I've cut out my tea as I drink a lot of it. Will have a look at the tea.
I've emailed my tutor at uni and am just waiting for a reply, don't know what will happen, but at least I'm being pro-active now.
Am still feeling a bit down but managed to get to the co-op yesterday.

Hi mommacat - I remember this feeling so well when dd was that age of feeling as though no one understands or cares. Have you tried asking your mum and db for specific help? For me it would have been help looking after my child so I could get out the house or rest. I do agree your gp needs to help you more, there are quite a few options. And make sure you do see your tutor, or even just email them so hey know you're struggling.

Goodo, new doctor sounds like a good idea. And pro-active is great, every step is a step towards feeling better.

Did they check thyroid function? Mine goes nuts, and I feel exactly as you describe. It's frightening.
I have beta blockers, and Valium for bad nights, and it helps enormously.

Tutor has replied saying so long as I get a doctors note this week I will be able to retake in June, so that's one weight lifted. Hopefully the new doctor can help me sort my head out. Am still not sleeping well but have managed a whole day without caffeine! Mum has suggested staying over this weekend to help out. So things are definitely moving forward.
I still feel very fragile and anxious but can see a way out now, which is an amazing feeling after 3 months of helplessness!

They did check my thyroid and said it was normal :/