Scared of looking after my own children

[Howmuch101]

I just done know what to do. I've upped a day at work for this reason.

After having DS three years ago I developed postnatal anxiety from which I've never recovered. I now have a DD who is one.

When I'm at work I fine now and have no anxiety.

But today, for example, I'm with the kids and I just can't handle the anxiety and have had to have DH home at lunch.

It's like I can't breathe and I'm in terror mode the whole day.

I love them both so much but I don't know how to go on from here.

ADs didn't work for me (severe reaction) and neither did counselling.

I feel like no other mother could ever feel like this and I'm questioning how I can go on feeling like this. It's like torture. I just can't understand why I am like this and feel do alone in it.

• So alone

That sounds incredibly difficult for all of you.
What has your GP said? Have to seen the mental health team?
Talking therapies may help you. There are also medications other than ADs that can help with anxiety as well as other types of ADs you may not have tried.

Oh, that's horrible for you. You are NOT alone. I get like that sometimes when I'm having an anxious episode, but only when I'm anxious about everything else as well. As an immediate coping mechanism it might help to have small goals and realise and give yourself a mental high-five when you achieve them. It sounds silly, but sometimes I do a victory dance for myself when the kids have eaten their tea, or I've managed to bath them without freaking out.

What is it that you are anxious about? Is it their safety? Or you being trapped? Or the seemingly (only seemingly!) insurmountable list of things they need from you?

GeordieMama is right - there are other options than ADs, or even different types of ADs that cover anxiety as well.

Just rest assured that you really aren't alone in this!

Thank you both. MrsNoggin that's particularly helpful. I just feel so alone in this. So weird. Which mum is afraid of being alone with their own children?

The problem isn't love it bonds or anything like that. I adore them. It's terror of being alone with them and their constant demands from am until pm and I think it's just ground me down and made me petrified of looking after them alone - but look after them I must for four days of the week.

Who else could possibly feel like this about their own children?

I just can't see ADs being the answer now given that I'm fine in all other avenues of life.

I do face this fear all the time but it doesn't seem to help. I take them places on my own all the time - again, doesn't help.

I know this is sounding woe is me.

I just don't like being around people. I like being on my own. Perhaps it's the responsibility I don't like?

My mum thinks it's 'not coping' and that just infuriates me as I do 'cope' I jugs have terror the whole time. But maybe it is not coping.

• love or bonds

• just have

I remember feeling like this, one of the things that helped was DH saying, all you need to do is get them ( the chidren) through to bed time.
So the housework, paying bills, educational activities etc etc do not matter at all, for now chunk it up small.
I can get the child through the next half hour, (whatever your doing, even if it is just sitting watching them play), then I can get them through the next hour (even if its an hour of tv and pile of sweets) and so on and so on.

Of course you cope! You are coping. Asking for help doesn't mean you can't do it, just that you can't do it like this.

Anti-anxiety meds might be a good idea to kick you out of it. They can dull down the panicky feeling and that constant twisting until you can get yourself used to it all without the anxiety and then start again without the feeling there. Your worries may have just got to the stage where they are fuelling themselves and you're more worried about the fact that you're worried, iyswim. And it might even be a touch of depression, the feeling of it never ending and being too much. A MH professional would be able to help somehow, and doubtless make more sense than me!

And don't worry about the who feels like this about their own children bit. I think everyone does to a certain extent. The greater extent some of us get is just your brain wiring itself up and telling your body to panic and keep you safe. It's a healthy reaction in a way, it means you care. It's just a bit too over-zealous and might need help snapping out of it.

Thank you so much. That's so kind of you both. I would hug you if you were here as it's made me feel less of a total freak.

It does feel like a 'normal' stress of baby and toddler just gone totally, totally wrong. It's gotten out of hand and really entrenched.

I've never tried anti anxiety meds, as, yep, scared of them...

I felt like this with my first too. I did what TAmum suggests of chunking up the day (I did half hours) and just getting through. I found getting out of the house really helped too - things like play groups etc add up to quite a lot of half hours! In the end though it was ADs which got me through. There are lots of different types. Sounds like it would be good to talk to your GP - anxiety can be really difficult but there is help available.

Howmuch. You are definitely not alone. Like you I am fine at work but dread picking DC up from school and nursery. I am actually fine looking after my youngest DC 1:1 but really fear being left to look after the two of them. I actually feel scared of my oldest DC and her moods.

The first year of baby and toddler is really hard. Until then I coped really well then it all started to unravel. I got irritated really easily, cried a lot, got very controlling. My oldest DC has symptoms of anxiety now (which I have to get help for) so do get as much help and support as you can now.

I have felt like this before, now mine are both at school but I still get a bit like it sometimes in the holidays. Sometimes when they are younger, it can be hard woth them both needing different things at different times which can make things worse.

I remember finding it helped to break up the day into chunks- and the days into a pattern, so maybe Mondays the park in the morning, then later you have a read of a book while the youngest has a nap, something like that, does your eldest go to preschool? maybe take the little one to a cafe then and people watch...small things and yes to giving up on worrying about getting housework done unless it is therapeutic when they are sleeping...

Also this book might help. I found it useful as it shows it's quite common to feel like this especially when juggling two little ones.

www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Shoes-One-Sock-Hairbrush/dp/0304354295/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400702713&sr=1-1&keywords=socks+and+no+hairbrush