amitriptyline help - dh turned into a zombie

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I am struggling along with my dh who appears to have depression and anxiety. This week he has been prescribed 75mg amitriptyline, 7.5 mg zopiclone and diazepam. He has been signed off work and is not being paid. He agreed to take care of the house, while he tried to get better. The house is a tip, every time I speak to him during the day now he is asleep. He is like a fucking zombie and I resent him so much.

We are in financial ruin because of this, but because he is either so emotionally fragile or asleep and unrousable I can't even discuss where to go with this.

I can feel myself slipping into a very unhealthy mental state. I am 7 months pregnant. I am desperate to either split up or for him to get better. I feel so trapped. What can I do?

This is a difficult one as I personally don't have experience of taking those drugs. However I see that you are 7 months pregnant. While I have sympathy for the mental anguish your husband must be in you must look after yourself. You are in a high stress situation and wont be good for your pregnancy. Have you spoken to your mum, close friend...midwife even about some support for you. Emotional and practical.

How long has your husband been like this? ?

I am sinking in this. My parents are very supportive but truly believe I need to split up with him. Deep down, I feel this is true, but wished to stay together until he got his life back on track, although I am very aware that all of these things are tangled up with each other.

He has been depressed for months, off work since the end of march. I wish I could have a few weeks away from him to make up my mind, but am about to have a year long maternity leave with him in the home, and if he is not pulling his weight I will resent him so much.

To be honest you are going to need some practical help soon. And how will this go once baby is here...you will be exhausted and probably at risk of PND yourself given the circumstances you are in.

Others may disagree but I feel that you must look after yourself first at the moment. I agree this will build massive resentment and fester until your relationship is totally destroyed. However perhaps most importantly stress in pregnancy risks both the health of you and your baby.

Have your DH's family been helpful? ?

Surely his Gp can see what's going on? He shouldn't be sleeping the day away thats not a recovery. Have you been offered any support?

Ultimately I think if it was me I would probably leave as well. I'm so sorry.

I would ask him to go back to the gp - amirtiptyline didn't suit me either.

I started Amitryptilline and felt like a zombie for about 3 days then stopped it as I couldn't stay like it and look after a young child! Went back to GP and am now on Nortriptylline instead. First 2-3 days I kept falling asleep when I sat down but after that it got better! Now I have to time the dose right, ie take it by about 8pm or I really struggle to get up in the morning. 6.30-7 seems to work best for me! Definitely worth going back to the GP to see if things can be changed. He sounds like he is on a lot of medications, so probably something can change. Hang in there!

I used amitriptaline (misspelt sorry) while I was pregnant last time. They made me very sick for 7-10 days but they really did help with my mood. Diazepam in my experience makes me feel very tired & lethargic.

I would suggest that DH going back to GP & discussing the effects of meds on him. Also as a pregnant lady nearly 7 months gone, I think you may need some additionL support. Don't be afraid to ask, supporting some else is hard enough without building a baby at the same time. Your midwife will be more than happy to point you in the right direction or lean a listening ear.

Hi it is not usual to have sleeping tablets and diazepam for longer time treatment - they will cause drowsiness and not help lethargy at all. If he could reduce use if those he may have more energy and be able to start functioning more.

Would he let you go to a dr appointment with you so you can explain how he is on medication? Has he seen a psychiatrist - if not asking for a referral.

Sometimes having to do things, even work on reduced hours is positive as some people benefit from routine, structure etc. if not able to work then having a set getting up time, considering when take medication so can have some useful awake time etc is useful. Is he under a mental health team - if not useful to ask for as may need more support to recover.

It is hard to avoid resentment and to stop enabling ill health etc as hard to know what he can and cannot manage and what is easy to avoid etc.

Also could he go and stay with his family to give you some space and for others to see how he is?

Definitely worth sharing your concerns with your mw to see if additional support available.

Thank you so much. He has woken up this mornimg with a little more energy which is a real relief. This regime is a result of his psychiatric referral. I just wish they'd prescribed a gym membership, daily walks in the park and relaxation classes. I can't even discuss these things with him at the mo with him being so low.

He has stated he couldn't cope if I asked him to move out temporarily, although I am seriously considering it.

I am getting support from colleagues and my manager but am getting scared as I'm leaving work in four Weeks and really don't want to feel isolated at home with toddler and husband waiting for baby.

Zop turns me into a zombie the next day.

I'm sure this is a horrible situation for everyone, but it sounds like your OH is doing his best. He needs you to advocate for him to adjust his meds.

I'm being brutally honest here, but this is not your OH's fault. You're punishing him for being ill. Would you still leave him if he had MS or some other disabling physical illness?

I'm not surprised he's incapable of looking after the house on those meds. I used amitryptilene in low doses to treat a pain condition and it was most awful.

I'd suggest he should go back to the GP to discuss something more suitable to have actually a quality of life. It's understandable that you feel resentful, and it's hard, but I don't think that on those meds he'll be able to be more proactive. It's an illness that's incredibly hard to deal with, for both sufferers and their loved ones.

If I'm depressed I am actually incapable of tidying a house. Sounds stupid, but it is unfortunately true. If your OH is on those kind of meds then he must be in a bad way...they are not the sort of things that they usually dole out to people. You say he is not pulling his weight...but it might just be that he can't. And often, when a person is really in the depths they can't get to the gym etc so a gym prescription would be useless. It sounds like he needs to get a bit more 'up' before he'd be capable of that. Instead of suggesting the gym etc, have you thought about asking him if he'd like to go for a walk with you (if he wakes up)? Or do some washing up together? The advantage of joint activity being that a) it's easier to do something with someone when you don't have the get up and go yourself and b) if you are doing an activity it is easier to talk.

If you feel that you really need a break from him is there anywhere you could go and stay for a few days?

I agree that GP should be visited...either for change of meds or referral for counselling or even so that you can discuss your worries about his depression.

Depression can take a while to get over. In the scheme of things, being off work since March is not a huge amount of time I'm afraid.

Thanks all. Have come back to this today. He is doing better, although still in a real fog. dontrun, that's a good question. If I am being brutally honest, deep down I think I see depression as a low mood which is caused by horrible and unmanageable feelings, caused by past or recent experiences, and therefore the depressed individual is the only person who can make changes - but that those are possible. I have worked with adults with MS, very often with depression too, and it really is physically debilitating. I find it hard to compare the two, but see what you mean. If my husband is like this forever, I simply cannot remain in a relationship with him - there is very little communication beyond his and our child's basic needs, and of course, there is a back story here of a very difficult relationship, sadly.

It is very difficult for me to feel enthused about a regime of pills, pills and more pills. He has been asked to self refer to IAPT, but hasn't got round to making the call yet. I think it is the pills I am so resentful of. I mean, alcohol also improves his mood, but leaves him in a state the following day - the gp wouldn't prescribe a bottle of gin...

I am thinking aloud here, apolos for making no sense, but it's very helpful. Many thanks for your kindness and practical suggestions.

Thanks all. Have come back to this today. He is doing better, although still in a real fog. dontrun, that's a good question. If I am being brutally honest, deep down I think I see depression as a low mood which is caused by horrible and unmanageable feelings, caused by past or recent experiences, and therefore the depressed individual is the only person who can make changes - but that those are possible. I have worked with adults with MS, very often with depression too, and it really is physically debilitating. I find it hard to compare the two, but see what you mean. If my husband is like this forever, I simply cannot remain in a relationship with him - there is very little communication beyond his and our child's basic needs, and of course, there is a back story here of a very difficult relationship, sadly.

It is very difficult for me to feel enthused about a regime of pills, pills and more pills. He has been asked to self refer to IAPT, but hasn't got round to making the call yet. I think it is the pills I am so resentful of. I mean, alcohol also improves his mood, but leaves him in a state the following day - the gp wouldn't prescribe a bottle of gin...

I am thinking aloud here, apolos for making no sense, but it's very helpful. Many thanks for your kindness and practical suggestions.

I have had cause to think dontruns question over. I live with a seriously depressed person.

Whilst I won't leave because of the depression, the reverse is also true. Being ill in any way is not a get out of jail free card, and if someone close had lung cancer and decided it gave them licence to be impossible then, yes i would leave.

Living with an ill person does not mean you aren't allowed to leave till they are recovered if the relationship ain't working, then it ain't working.