It won't go away

[CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla]

I find reasons to worry. It can be from not going to bed at 11pm but 11:30pm instead.
It can be about not having someone to talk to for half an hour.
It can be from not wanting anything to eat because I have no appetite and feel like if I say I don't want anything, I will upset someone.
I feel like I am upsetting people all the time. I feel like if I don't stop talking to my colleagues I will get shouted at.

Another thing, this comes back every single month
I worry myself to tears about being pregnant. I have an amazing partner and we have a brilliant sex life. I just worry myself into thinking I'm pregnant and I think it's gotten worse this month. I'm brooding a lot but I do NOT want children until I'm Engaged to be married, or actually married. I'm aware the symptoms for a period can be the same as in early pregnancy but as I'm writing this my cramps are getting worse in my hips. I'm scared of going home and saying "I think I'm pregnant" because children is all I've been going on about! I have a crap job with a crap wage, Still live with my family because I can't afford to move out, and want to enjoy life with my partner and my friends before we tie the knot, if we tie the knot. I'm pretty sure it's going to happen but I'm anxious that I'll go home one day and say i need a test and he'll have a go (he won't, he's a very calm and collected person) but I'm just scared of it happening. We snap at each other and thats about it. but it just freaks me right out.

There's that and worrying about my holiday, how to pack, how much money I need, will I have enough? Will I enjoy it?
I go to the doctors and tell them about being anxious and being depressed all the time and I am very sure it's to do with my hormones and my pill, but they say there's nothing wrong.

What do I do? How can I stop myself from worrying? I do online CBT, and it doesn't work. it asks me the last time I was upset and I can't remember because I can go from happy to sad in an hour, maybe less, sometimes more. I'm scared if I put down why I was unhappy someone will find out and start hoicking up their judgeypants at me.

Can I stop being paranoid, anxious and depressed with people telling me there's nothing wrong with me?

please help me, I'm scared I'll feel like this for the rest of my life. I have a hard time saying no and leaving people out or hurting people's feelings. I feel like I annoy everyone and Its hard thinking "should I really post this because no one will care" no one really ever has.
I was about 13 when I started to self harm but with the help of my partner I stopped a while ago. the urge is still there but I got sick of physically hurting myself, and its sick that I kind of enjoy being negative all of the time, and when people hear me laugh they find it weird because I never really laugh unless its infront of certain people. Any other time it's a fake laugh I make look and sound real. I'm really good at it. I don't want people to think I'm a freak.

I went to a councillor when I was 15 who said I was bringing it all on myself. I asked the doctor to tell me what was wrong with me (it took 20 minutes to tell her what was wrong. I have a thyroid problem which I think is making me put on weight but won't put me on thyroxine) she said "I'm not putting you on pills, we don't do that." Turns out she was a trainee nurse who had no qualification to diagnose me with anything. i felt really hurt and let down by this.

Sorry it's so long I didn't want to leave bits out and dripfeed. Just needed to let it out because I feel like I'm nagging to everyone around me. Hoping the people on this board won't rip me to shreds, we'll have to see

thank you

Thought I should add, I can never tell something in a structured way because I'm that scatterbrained. I can never make a good argument for anything, or describe things to people in a structured way because I have that many thoughts I can't made heads or tails of, so I'm sorry it's messy, I can't help it.

Hi why not break each concern down and focus on managing each one? Have you had a blood test for your thyroid? If so ask a dr to look at the results and they will tell you if you have a problem with your thyroid and deal with the issue if there is a medical need.

You can go to a sexual health clinic or your gp practise and discuss your concerns about contraception and hormones and need to not be pregnant.

If you pick your main concerns and deal with them and accept the answers would trying that help?

Some people are anxious and doing things about it helps. Taking control of things you can is liberating - as is accepting the things you cannot change.

What job do you want? What salary do you need? How can you achieve this? Do you have a saving plan to know you are aiming for this or do you struggle to manage income? Who can you talk to about managing income and expenditure? Am sure if you post on money section people can direct you to relevant websites etc.

I had a blood test & it's borderline and said they can't do anything about it until it's basically not working anymore.
& I do have to, I'll probably go to a clinic because my doctors are very shit, and tell me EVERY TIME I GO that there's nothing wrong with me. There is, I know my body.

& I think I just need to sit back and just say "this happens, and I need to accept it". Like you say, being in control is liberating, and I don't feel in control of my emotions at all.
And the job is fine, i just need a better wage, but I have to wait because I'm in training. Thank you for your help, I really do need to get things on track and sit down and talk to someone. I think I don't really know how to talk to people, because of that one person who said it was all my fault (that was years ago, still remember it today).