2 years and counting. Anyone else still got/had PND this long?

[NeopreneMermaid]

Feeling a bit of a freak about how long pnd is lasting for me.

I have a history of depression but had no pnd with dc1. DC2 was a whole new ball game with anxiety and panic attacks that have not abated.

I'm medicated, seen private cbt counseller, psychiatrist (but wasn't considered bad enough to be treated) and now psychotherapy.

Seriously, two jeffing years? When will I be able to put this shit behind me?

bump for evening crowd

Sorry to hear that. In the NHS where I am it stops being called pnd and is just known as depression once the baby reaches 18 months. No idea if that affects treatment. Not sure if it helps to consider it depression?

I have scizoaffective and I've been I'll since the birth of my third child 2 1/2 years ago.

Yep, me. DD2 is almost 3, I was diagnosed when she was about 9 months but it had obviously been there for a while before that.

I've been on sertraline, been for counselling. Now off the sertraline but not right yet. Not 'normal'. I'm debating with myself whether to go back on the tablets or just keep muddling along.

I can't ever really imagine a future where life could be enjoyable and fun. I do enjoy being with my children but mostly the rest of my life just seems to stretch out in front of me as a long battle that I just need to survive.

I've had PND 3 times which is now classed as major depression. My eldest DC is 21. Something happened over night as soon as I got pregnant & I have never been the same since. I am on meds long term.

Thank you all for sharing your stories (and for the PMs). I feel reassured I'm not alone but of course sorry you're all going through this too.

I remember a thread a while back (last year) about whether having DCs had affected your mental health. Particularly after dc2 - the week he was born - the anxiety and panic attacks started. I'd have thought if it was hormonal, it would have stopped now.

In some ways, it has lifted. I have more times when I enjoy my children now (the first year with dc2, I was just in survival mode - there was no joy) although I never had trouble bonding with them or loving them.

Anybody found anything that helped?

Hi mermaid like you I had previous history, but nothing with ds1...it was the subsequent 2...still on meds GP has suggested I accept this as a long term situation.

I'm in a hole at the moment, but I have found running spectacularly helpful. I assume this would apply to other forms of exercise but I love running (except right now!). Once you're into it and get a 'runners high' it's great, and also it can be very social if you have someone to look after the kids so that you can go to a running club. Running clubs seem to be mainly about chatting (whilst running), and the best ones carry on being sociable in the pub afterwards. Or you can just stick your headphones on and go by yourself. I know a couple of other PND people who also swear by running...so there must be something in it.

Just been for my first run in a month. I felt like I was going to die, but it was worth it. I was so cream crackered I had no time to dwell on how miserable I am

I had PND after DD1 (aged 31), but didn't seek help and it resolved after about 18 months. I was struck down with awful low mood 5 weeks after DD2 (aged 34) was born and I was admitted to a mother and baby unit. For whatever reason, it triggered bipolar disorder in me. DD2 is now 4 and I've more or less accepted that it's not going away. However, I'm mostly stable on a cocktail of med's, but it took 3 years to get it right. My last episode was in January when I tried to switch one of my meds--I crashed and was admitted to the local psych unit.

I still scratch my head at how all this happened. When I read about people being diagnosed with bipolar, they almost always say that they'd suffered from mood problems from an early age. That just wasn't the case for me. There was absolutely nothing to suggest that I had bipolar until my pregnancies.

Thanks. I used to run but never liked it (and a skiing accident put a knee out of action). I swim three times a week and do ballet which I think helps (even if it doesn't, I enjoy them) but had to miss it for most of last year due to several rounds of surgery.

I'm trying to accept that this could just be a permanent thing now and keep taking the pills but I don't want that.

Tried turning a new leaf this week by looking forward to my day "off" (home with DCs; today) and we were doing well until we got to a new park: 2yo kept kicking/throwing sand at babies in the sandpit while 4yo got stuck screaming on a 2m-high rope bridge on the other side of the park.

I do wonder sometimes whether I'm really ill or if having two preschoolers is just hard work (and shit, frankly ) for the majority of the time.

I was desperate for children and miscarried twice along the way and I swore I'd never complain if I ever got my babies. Maybe that's part of the problem.

((neoprene)) you're right having 2 preschoolers IS hard work. The childcare gets easier...having just come from the park with a 7,6 and mature nearly 4 year old. I just sat on the grass chatting whilst they went off and played. There is many the occasion where mums are chatting and the conversation is all 'thank god I don't have to do that again!'

So, you've had lots of surgery, and had two kids after two miscarriages (forgive me if I'm wrong but you sound like you feel guilty at finding childcare a bit pants...which, of course, you shouldn't be). And you've had PND. I think you would deserve a cracking great medal if you weren't still struggling at this stage. It sounds like you have had a hard time over the last few years- be easy on yourself.

You sound like you must be super fit! Ballet...I am impressed. Do you go to work at all?

I love that I've been hugged by fluffy bunnies.

I work part time and love my job. Never had a panic attack at work.

Yes, last year especially was awful with surgery, pnd, job changes for both dh and me (both pretty acrimonious). At one point it was comically bad: in a single week, I was recovering from two surgeries, both DCs had chickenpox, both were teething and dh had to work abroad for 8 weeks. If my mum hadn't come to stay (all family is 3+hrs away), I'm not sure anyone would have survived!

I've actually just had my best Wednesday with the DCs possibly ever (apart from the incident at the park. And ds strangling dd with a skipping rope while I put the lawnmower back in the shed) - I think I might have actually, whisper it, enjoyed it.