Haunted by chilbrith......not for the pregnant

[janenevie]

Hi

Has anyone else had a traumatic childbirth experience and still feeling upset by it?
My LO is 10 weeks old now and for some reason my birth experience is haunting my more and more

In a nutshell I was induced at 36 weeks due to pre-eclampsia had 43 hour labour with an unsucussful epidural due to SPD two failed vontouse's and ended with an episiotomy and forcep delivery!

You poor thing. I totally understand how u feel.
I too was induced but for a different reason, I was 2 weeks overdue. Went in hosp on the monday morning, had 1st lot of prostin at 9am, started having pains straight away, 6 hrs had another prostin, in pain all day and night, next morning another prostin, in pain again, then by midday went over to labour ward as was 4cms dilated. In a nutshell I had epidural (it failed) had another and was left from midday on the tues and didn't give birth by Ventouse until wednesday morning.
The whole experience was horrendous and the lack of care by the staff who couldn;t give a monkeys put me off having another one. I have had another and he to was 2 weeks overdue and I refused point blank to have another induction. I ended with an el CS as they told me he was a whopper (he was 10lb and im only 5ft3 weighing 9st) so i opted for CS, I have to say it was much better.
I'm sorry to go off the rails a bit but I totally know how u feel. Don't do as I did and do nothing about it. You need to talk to someone. Talk to your midwife/hV about how u feel. I really don;t know why they induce women at 36 weeks as clearly the baby wasn't ready, hence u had to suffer a horrendous birth.
I felt and still do feel really upset by my DD's birth 4 years ago. Please talk to someone about how u feel and remember, if and when u decide to have another one u call the shots about what type of birth u want and u can refuse to be induced at any stage. you can email me if u want to chat.
[email protected]

Really feel for you janenevie - it is still early days for you and your baby and a traumatic birth takes a lot of recovery (I know - I've been there). It sounds to me like you need to talk to someone (MW? HV if yours is any good or your GP?)
The good thing about Mother Nature and childbirth is that it does let you forget it, in time. I had another child 19 months after DS1 with a labour and birth that was a dream compared to his and I never thought I would put myself through it again.
Hang in there and keep coming back to MN for support

give these people a call
\link(www.sheilakitzinger.com/Birth%20Crisis.htm\Birth Crisis Network}
They will listen to you and value your concerns, if you can't speak to a counsellor that minute they will call you back or arrange a time to speak

It really helped me a great deal just to feel vindicated after a nasty EMC (got a gorgeous little boy out of it so it's all OK now)

sod it sorry, its wine o'clock here
Birth Crisis Network

Ring me....

or i'll come and stay with you and bring the naughtiest boy in the land!

I too had a traumatic experience with ds 5 yrs ago. I was lucky and had a great hv who let me talk at length about it but in the end she advised me to see a professional counsellor which I did through work and it really helped. dd's birth 2 yrs ago couldn't have been more different and holds no bad memories. It really does get better. Hang in there but do talk to someone.

i still remember the birth of ds1 like it was yesterday,even though it was 8 1/2 years ago.i was induced due to pre-eclampsia at 40 weeks.it was 3 days of pain,confusion,m/w's arguing with doctors all seen through a haze of just about every drug u can name,including diamorphine 3 shots in all,so i gave birth whilst hallucinating and was so tired and drugged up i didnt have the energy to push and ended up doing so for well over an hour.
i didnt talk about it after either,i thought it was meant to be like that as i'd heard being induced was awful,or that i was making it out to be worse than it was.
since having 3 more kids,and being induced at 38 wks with all of them,i can safely say that first time wasnt a normal experience,the hospital was awful compared to where i live now,and i made it through my last 2 labours with just a bit of gas and air and in minimal pain.
seriously,though,its good u recognise this as a traumatic experience and have decided to talk about it

I had a terrible birth with dd1 (failed induction resulting in emergency section under ga, her in intensive care, with a collapsed lung, abnormal brain scan and impaired kidney function). With ds, the birth was fine but the next day dd2 was taken ill and I thiought sh ewas going to die. Totally horrible. I think when something like this happens you almost get a post traumatic stress disorder. Might be worth talking to your hv or gp to see if you can get some counselling.

The good news is that dd1 is fine now and I have had two more babies within four yrs, so it can't be all bad!

My DS's birth was traumatic, I found that people didn't seem to understand that I hadn't got over and kept saying things like "but you have a lovely baby now" and its the greatest pain but quickest forgotten", but it wasn't.

I found though that talking to other people who had similar experiences did help and I think it was that site that I had a look at, even putting it all into words on here helped a bit.

After the birth the feelings about it all did seem to get worse for a while combine with postnatel feelings of be incompetant and depressed etc. didn't help. It all seemed to sit over me like a dirty big black cloud. Tackling the PND depression helped to get to grips with the trauma of the birth too. getting back to the normal grown up world everynow and then palyed a big part in this, i.e. working part time and seeing old freinds without baby.

My birth with ds was horrible, I was in labour for 21 hours then they tried forceps which failed, so went onto c-section whilst using the spinal block, ds was born fine, but I started to feel what they were doing (ouch) so had to be knocked out and they 'knicked' a main artery so I had to have a blood transfusion. That was 7 months ago I still get upset when I think about it although it is getting better all the time and look at my ds and he smiles it makes it a lot less scary

Thanks for all your supportive msgs every1!

I feel kinda bad when I read all your stories, I know alot of people who've have much much worse experiences than me and I guess thats why I havent spoke to any1 properly yet!! I;m going to see my HV tomorrow anyway so think I'll give it a mention!

I'll ring you soon ipod, hope u and woo are well!!

Its horrible that people have such negative experiences and I hope that if I do ever have any more LO's that its better next time!!

Don't feel bad. There will always be someone worse than you. What is important is that you talk to someone so you can feel better and move on. Good luck!

I can so sympathize. Ds's birth was horrible, c-section after 30 hours of labor, turned out he'd been breech the whole time. Lots and lots of awfulness - I've posted birth story before and it does help a lot to write it all down. Give yourself a bit of time, but if it continues to overwhelm you don't hesitate to ask for AD's. They are not a total cure-all for PN PTSD but do help. I took zoloft while bfing and it was fine. I also found (finally!) a great therapist and we are still doing cognitive behavior therapy which has been a tremendous help.

This is another good website. I eventually participated in a study through TABS on the anniversary of birth trauma. After 2 1/2 years I was able to face another pregnancy and am 25 weeks pregnant. So, it can get better. Keep talking and/or posting. There are lots of us on MN who can relate, although people in RL sometimes have a hard time understanding what you are going through.

Hi janenevie, only addressed my feelings about my first birth after almost three years. I still couldn't talk about it with crying and it was starting to get worse in the build-up to my second birth. I did something that I realise wouldn't appeal to everyone. It's called EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, and it worked for me. The website of the woman I went to (well actually we did it by phone) is www.tap-tap.co.uk

You are welcome to CAT me if you want to know more, but I do realise it sounds totally bizarre so no offence if you pass For me it was worth every penny. It is really simple to apply to lots of situations and I used it in the last couple of weeks before the birth to calm myself.

your not alone janevie. i had nightmares and flashbacks for a year after having my first.i never thought i'd go on to have any more children it was that bad..the most annoying thing is that everyone just wants to know about the new baby, and not many ask how YOU are. if you are brave enough to tell, they just say you'll get over it . i only wish i'd seeked some sort of counselling or help in the early days, but i never did. i can still remember every detail almost 10 years later. it is true though, time is a healer.

Hi again

Sopke to my HV at clinic today and she going to visit me at home, she feels as my LO was prem and stuff its really common, nice to be taken seriously though!
Cheers again all

Thats good to hear, can't have you upset can we, take care and keep in touch x

oh its brookeandaylorsmummy btw, name change due to a feeding incident with ds

Hi,

I had an awful birth experience and my cousin who gave birth a week before me, couldn't understand how I still wasn't over it, when my dd was 6 months! I think I really began turning a corner when I wrote a long and detailed letter to the BIRTH COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT. Of course, that doesn't exist but I didn't allow that to stop me from writing it. I really do think it gave me closure.

In a way it reminded me of the time when I gave up smoking. For many months, i still thought about cigerettes everyday but then one day, perhaps 6 months or so later, i realised that i hadn't thought about smoking all week. And so it was with my memories of child birth.

I did have PND although i managed to make it through with out AD, (I was prescirbed them but my overreactive imagination was span out by the side effects section of the leaflet made me too afraid to take them!) and now my DD is 18 months and I am JUST starting to come around to the idea of trying for a son!

So I guess I'm trying to say that time is a great healer and also those little things that you can do, such as writing that closure letter, will help. And also i used to talk about the birth to who-ever would listen for months afterwards, even now i talk about it occasionally with my mum or other mother friends. Its one of the biggest things that can ever happen to a woman, why shouldn't we discuss it? Its not the dark ages! We arent witches!

Anywhoo, i wish you well.xxxxxxxxxx

hi janenevie,
i had a pretty bad labour with my first ds1. I had severe pre-eclampsia and after being in and out of hospital they induced me at 36 weeks also. i had to have 2 lots of the pessary and they decided as it wasnt working i would have a c-section the next day, however as soon as they sent my dp home the pain started, but the midwife said i wasnt in labour and gave me some diazepam to help me sleep! but 4 hours later after an epidural and being given magnesium to stop me fitting my son was born. i was kept in the high dependency unit for5 days and had allsorts strapped to me. drips in one arm , blood pressure monitor on the other arm, cathetor in. i wasnt a pretty sight!! I was only 21 at the time and i had been so scared by this that i swore i would never ever have any more children. Then last nov i found out i was pregnant (completly accidental) 7 years after my ds1 was born and i really did think that this time i would die!! i wanted to write a will, ( but my dp wouldnt let me he thought it would jinx it)and i was s**t scared for 9 months.I used to cry and think i wouldnt get to watch my ds1 grow up and i was totally convinced it was my lot.However although i did have pre-eclampsia again with this ds2 but we were expecting it and kept a much closer eye on me. i had more scans and when i had my scan at 38 weeks and my ds2 had stopped growning/ only measured 35 weeks they induced me that day ( another story!!!) but i can say that this time it was not as horrifying as my first birth and can actually contemplate having another one already, (well in a few years) i just wish i had had another one earlier as it really wasnt as bad as i thought it would be second time round.
there are some good pre-eclampsia sites whcih i found helpfull readin about other womens experiences. Sorry this is sooooo long.

Janenevie, I still couldn't talk about my birth experience without crying nearly 3 years after the event! I then did something a bit weird called EFT before second birth and it worked for me. You can look at this link or by all means CAT me and I'll tell you more about what the session entails.