I've been wanting to post for a while
Things this weekend have got on top of me and I've scared myself with how I've been feeling. Been sobbing a lot and feel like hurting myself. Had a knife yesterday and wanted to make some cuts but didn't have the courage. I want to make myself sick but have stopped doing that so I feel I don't have any release valve.
I'm pregnant and feel like I'm fucking up this baby before he's even born - stress hormones etc. I've got another child as well and I feel like a massive failure as a parent. Relationship with partner is also in tatters and just had another massive argument.
I'm due to see someone next week about possibly going on medication and Im not sure how I'm going to hang on til then. But I need to work and organise dd's party for the weekend so I can't fall apart.
I just want to sleep and not feel like this anymore.
Sorry for hugely long and self indulgent post I'm not expecting any replies just needed to put it somewhere.