I need help but have no idea where to turn :-(

[CuppaBiccieBliss]

I can't keep doing this. I have been in tears since last night, the flashbacks won't stop, I'm too scared to sleep and the urge to sh is overwhelming Dp is here and is being fab but I know he's worried.

(((( CuppaBiccieBliss )))) Do you have any support from real life people, such as CMHT, ooh doctors etc? It sounds like you need some support, but do keep talking here.

I see my cpn once a month. I just want someone to take it away I have been utterly useless all day, my poor dds deserve better than this, they really do.

I hate being like this. The thoughts are scaring me, I have come to bed but all I can do is cry

Can you explain a bit more? Please don't self-harm. Please talk...

I have Ptsd because of abuse. Sometimes I think things are improving but then I crash into this useless mess again. I'm on all kinds of meds but they aren't even taking the edge off atm.
I want to close my eyes and never wake up.

Oh god it just won't stop I still haven't managed to get my lazy arse out of bed, I don't feel safe enough to leave the bedroom. How utterly ridiculous is that?!

(((( Cuppa )))) be kind to yourself

Thanks snowy

I just feel like such an idiot. It's like I'm still letting them control my life. I wish I knew where to get help

Could you ask your CPN if you could see her more often? Maybe ask about EMDR, I think that's supposed to be good for PTSD?

Thanks again. She's coming out this week so I think I'm going to have to tell her how bad things are I hate admitting it out loud, feel like such a failure.
I am on the waiting list for counselling and emdr but it's a 10 month wait we have looked at going private but we can't afford it at all.

Sorry I have just read that back and I realise I sound very defeatist bit I genuinely don't know where to turn

Tell yourself that things could improve if you tell her how bad things are? That is a long wait

I honestly believe that I can't last that long. I can't have my dds growing up with a pathetic excuse of a mother

Offering you a hand to hold. If you can't bear to verbalise how you feel, show your cpn this thread.

Thankyou

Things are really getting worse tbh. I did sh, the urges were just too strong. I hate myself for doing it, my dds need better. I think I have given up

I'm so sorry to hear things are this tough for you. Don't give up. You need help and when you get it life can and will improve in ways you can't even imagine. I'm not in the UK so I don't know how your system works but is there an emergency number you can call? You need to see a health professional urgently, you don't have to struggle on your own like this. (((HUGS)))

(((( Cuppa ))))

Can you call your cpn and say you need to see her urgently. They do crisis visits, too. Maybe she can tell you crisis team number or what else you can do. If things are really bad go to a&e.