Five years ago I got a virus which made me so ill I couldn't go out for a while, off work for three months. As my physical illness got better, everything else became very dark and I became depressed and horribly anxious. I felt like I was a terrible mum to my then 20 mo DD1 and like I had failed. DH recognised that I was low and took me to the GP who diagnosed moderate depression.
While pg with DD2 I decided to come off citalopram - different GP was very unsupportive about me being on antidepressants and I felt bullied into stopping. I did okay, though, but it all went dark again when DD2 was 7 mo so it was back to the GP.
So, since then I have been on 20 mg of citalopram and I have felt good. So much so that I want to stop taking medication. I went down to 10 and after about 3 months I tried 10 every other day. That was a disaster. So back to 10 daily.
But it's not working. I feel awful, awful, awful if I miss a dose. I'm going through a horribly stressful time at work and I can feel myself getting back to that dark place. I have no confidence, I'm exhausted and feel low. I'm so anxious I have stomach problems. I know I should talk to the GP but I was so positive about coming off citalopram I feel stupid.
Sorry for the essay - I needed to get it out.