University Trip, Mental Health, Eating Disorder.

[LaughOutLoud25]

Im due to be going away with 25 others (including 3 university lecturers), for 2 weeks in Africa over summer.
However, im really starting to worry that I will not cope. I have Complex PTSD as well as having Bulimia and used to be a chronic self harmer (haven't selfharmed in about 7 months now and before that about a year but it used to be a daily basis which required hospital treatment on almost all occasions) so I have many scars.
My problem is my anxiety and the fact I hate people seeing my scars and hate eating in front of loads of people. I don't know why I signed up for this trip as I know that my eating habits are going to ruin it and I don't want others to notice and have to endure awkward questions from the lecturers. I can probably hide my arms as I do that most days any way but how am I going to cope for 2 weeks with my anxiety and food issues?
I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about this, so really don't know how to go about this. I cant pull out now, its all paid and all vaccinations are done and my parents certainly would not be impressed at me pulling out. They don't realize that I am still struggling with food so much and there is no point talking to the doctor (I went a few weeks ago but although im at the bottom end, im still in the healthy weight range and therefore I cant get treatment).

Have you tried your university counselling service?
Also, I know it's difficult but can you confide in one of the lecturers that you trust? My tutor at university was a great support to me during my time there and I'd never have graduated without having him to turn to.

Hiya LaughOutLoud
To an outsider, the trip sounds very exciting!
I've had similar problems to you (I also have had anorexia/bulimia, have ruined arms and had PTSD). As GeordieMama said, the university counselling service may be useful. I used this in my first year (well over a decade ago now tho) and they were EXTREMELY helpful. They might be able to look at some coping strategies whilst you are away. And talk to a tutor/lecturer if you can, maybe one that is going? I'm at uni again, and did this fairly early on and it just helped to have someone know what your situation is, and what your problem areas are. Also, do you have any friends that are going? Do any of them know of any of your difficulties? With your arms it helps to have an ally...someone who knows before anyone starts asking awkward questions.

This is just my own personal experience, but I found that what really helped me get over my food anxieties/bulimia was having to be around people for lengthy periods of time. I worked with vulnerable adults and had to be there for over 24 hours at a time, have mealtimes with them etc (I know this is nothing like the 14 days you are going to be going on!) However, it was helpful to be around people who were sociable at mealtimes, where no-one was paying any attention to what I was eating, and where I had to be around people afterwards. It was like my adverse behaviours were not an option for a while, which was quite freeing, whereas before I started the job I was absolutely petrified about how I would cope. In a roundabout way, the trip might actually be beneficial? You can focus on being sociable at dinner times instead of the food maybe? People like being asked questions about themselves, so you don't even have to say a lot....just ask and let them rabbit on...