How do you let go of anxiety?

[HippyJess]

Hello, just hoping there's someone out there with advice who can help me...

DP and I are getting married in 2 weeks, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant with our first child, which we're both over the moon about. He is the kindest, most loving and supportive person I've ever met.

I have long-standing issues with feeling worthless and unworthy of anything good in life, feeling that I always fuck everything up and that it's only a matter of time before he, too, realises how shit/annoying/hideous I am and leaves me. I am open about these anxieties (the type of which have been going on for years) and he holds me and tells me he loves me including all my anxieties and bouts of crying (which, admittedly, are being exacerbated by the pregnancy hormones).

The thing is I have a very, very deep fear of losing both him and my unborn son, a fear so strong that sometimes it overwhelms and terrifies me. And the fear is never that I'll lose them through something external - a car crash, say - but rather that I'll lose my DP through him realising how shit I am and leaving me. That I'm just not good enough, regardless of what he thinks now, that he'll realise I'm not good enough and is only a matter of time. On my good days I can ignore those feelings but on bad days it's all I can think about. A huge part of me sincerely believes that I am a terrible person and that it's only a matter of time before he realises that and leaves.

So my question is, how can I make this stop? I've had fears in the same vein for as long as I can remember, which boil down to deep-rooted abandonment fears through my own perceived inadequacies. I get extremely anxious about things I can't control - like him continuing to love me! - to the extent that I had an ED in my teens because of it; it was somewhere to focus the anxieties.

I've made a lot of progress in recent years on my self esteem but this terror is holding me back from fully enjoying my new (lovely) life with my (almost) husband and (to be born) son :( I just don't know how to fix it...

Any help or insights or even just empathy will be greatly appreciated

Have you been to your GP? Some CBT could really help. I know how consuming anxiety can be, but there is help available.

He sounds like a really fantastic guy, and congratulations on your pregnancy!

I was suffering from dreadful anxiety.
Didnt want to leave the house had panic attacks was physically sick among other things.

I went for a few sessions of hypnotherapy and I cant believe the difference it made. Possibly not something that would work for everyone but id revommend it

Vanitas I have in the past, and been bunged SSRIs (did nothing but make me worse) and told to get counselling which didn't help... CBT might, is it worth pursuing then? He is lovely, I do know how lucky I am on that score :) thanks!

Arkina that's interesting... I have a friend who's a hypnotherapist, may speak to him about it too.

Thanks for the replies :)

I'm not sure that letting go of anxiety is the thing; i think it's about managing it and, sometimes, just enduring it til it lets you go. In truth it sounds like you have a good conscious awareness of its level at any point and how it tries to control you. That weakens its grip in the first instance i'm sure - and well done you for facing it down!

Fear is a brute of a beast, isn't it? I'm sure there are many techniques for dampening it down. In the past when I was a wreck the only thing I could do was change the inner dialogue every time my mind turned to dark stuff.
Every time fear bit i would say "it hasn't happened, enjoy now" or similar words .. over and over just to survive the pit of despair.

Hypnotherapy sounds like a good idea. Acupuncture might be worth exploring too?

Not much by way of advice but did want to offer you a bubble-bath load of empathy and encouragement!

It's an old self help book, but I recently picked up 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' and it has helped massively with my anxiety issues. Has given me a lot of good advice that I've been able to put into practice quickly. Really recommend it!