Struggling with stress

[ninilegsintheair]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some coping mechanisms as I'm finding life so very hard at the moment. I have a lot going on (most of which I can't fix in the short term) and I'm struggling to function most days. I need help.

A bit of background on me - marriage is on the verge of breakdown (emotionally abusive husband) and I'm trying to arrange things so I can leave him by the end of the year (I have debt, can't afford to leave until I have my ducks in a row). I'm trying to fix the house up so as soon as I tell him its over the house can go on the market. I have a full-time job which is very stressful and I'm not coping with my workload (public sector employer, culture of fear so no way this will change). I have a DD who is 3 and lovely but demanding as they are at this age. I'm also studying for a qual which is an NVQ6 equivalent - work paid for it so are piling pressure on and it needs to be finished by next year but the exams are very stressful, require months of studying (which I can only do when DD's gone to bed) and husband makes it as difficult as possible for me to study. This is all on top of a normal everyday routine.

I have no support within a 3 hour radius (all but non-contact with my dysfunctional extended family). I am all-but solely responsible for DD (part of the reason I'm leaving husband) so although I'm not a single parent very often I feel like there's just me and her against the world.

I feel sick most of the time and sometimes feel dizzy. I'm exhausted by the time DD goes to bed so getting out the study books is very hard. I've just failed my most recent exan which costs a lot of money to retake.

This has been the situation for nearly 3 years but its only recently that I've found I can't keep going the way I did before. I know I need to keep going to get to the end of this so I need to find ways to make myself feel better. To just cope with things.

Help?

Hi ninilegs

Wow, you've got a lot on, no wonder you're feeling the pressure. I'm sure there will be people along with better advice than I can give but I'll try.

I don't know anything really about support for women leaving abusive partners but I'm sure i've read on here that there is support out there. I just wonder how it would be if you left sooner than later - doing up the house etc - is it so important if your work and studies are suffering?

But anyway, that's quite full on and you only asked for coping mechanisms. I listen to Glenn Harrold's Relax app and found it useful when going to sleep. I think there are other similar ones mentioned on here somewhere.

Could you make your husband look after your daughter on, say, a Saturday morning, to give you time to yourself? It sounds like you really need to make some space for yourself. In my experience, dizziness is stress and anxiety and sadly it will only get worse unless you take the bull by the horns. Three years is a long time to be carrying this much but recognising how you're feeling is a great first step to solving this. Hang in there, it WILL pass.

Hi swoop .

I've had a lot of ace support from the Relationships board about the marital issues. With my next exam in July it isnt feasible to make a move until after then at least. Part of the problem is that husbans doesnt even acknowledge that I need time to study so he wont look after her while I study during the day. I have to study in evenings.

Thanks for the app recommendation, I'll look it up.