Does counselling/ therapy 'work' if you don't share everything?

[Asleeponasunbeam]

I don't know if that's the right question really. How essential is it that you share/ tell everything to your therapist?

I alluded to childhood abuse in my last session and said I would talk about it this week. Now I'm not so sure I want to. I've had five helpful sessions so far (about my non-relationship with my now-deceased father mostly), but I suppose this issue is also important. I didn't think it affected me right now though. I thought I was over it. But it turns out that I never really deal with things, I just pretend they never happened/ pretend they don't matter - a pattern learned in childhood and endlessly repeated. I guess this is the same thing.

But it's all so sketchy. I've thought about therapy/ disclosure in the past, but can't remember (maybe haven't tried) enough detail to make it concrete. I'm not sure I really want to know...

No, you don't have to get it all out there in order to make progress - and you are entitled to only share what feels comfortable. What sort of therapy is it?

It's not essential at all. A lot of what happens in therapy is quite intangible - it's not necessarily about talking and hearing answers. Sometimes it's just about having another human being listen and be present, even if you can't talk.

I would suggest talking about the idea of talking about it, and discuss it together: does your therapist think it's necessary, how will they help you, etc. Take it one step at a time.

I told my therapist that I was abused as a child and he immediately said I didn't have to tell him any details if I don't want to. We focussed on the attitudes I have towards men as a result and he helped me see that these weren't accurate, and change them. So know, you don't have to try and rake up those memories and share them. The important thing is how the experience impacts on your life now, and how you could change your mindset to minimise that impact.

You don't need to tell anything you don't want to. I can't talk about what happened to me as a kid without getting panic attacks. I personally deal with it by pretending it doesn't exist. We just worked on managing symptoms, stress management, and getting my life back on track. That was much more helpful to me than rehashing memories I'd rather forget.