How do I get my confidence back?

[Katkins1]

Hi

I've posted here before, always had such lovely advice. Hope you don't mind me posting again. I'm coming to the end of a degree, was diagnosed with PTSD in year 2, two bereavements (within 18 months of each other) sparked sucididal depression too. I'm a first class average student (for now)..

I'm worn out. Have gone up two dress sizes. Was a 12/14, now 14/16. Can't ever wear skinny jeans/ summer trousers anymore. This is after slowly coming down from a size 16/28 over years. My face is all puffy, I look exhausted. I can't bear to look in the mirror. I tell myself all of my work isn't good enough- keep going over and over it, and cry over it because I think it's rubbish. The girls at my uni are catty and mean (ignore me, slag me off on FB where I can see it, though have blocked them). Ask me to answer questions, then ignore me because I can't read their work and so on until I've finished mine.

I' m a single mum, one DD , 6. Have a new freelance job (as a manager) for when I finish uni. Got in to MA and a PHD too. I'm not stupid or incompetent by any means, but I am struggling.

I'd love ideas to get my confidence back please! Oh, and I'm on the weight loss thing already. I know it can be done!

Thank you

If a hater see's you walking on water, they will say it is because you can't swim (I saw that on someones Twitter), don't pay attention to bitchy girls. It really is admirable that you are doing a degree whilst being a single mother, that takes confidence and is something to be proud of.

Thank you. My friend says they are trying to compete with me, but I can't see why I have nothing worth trying to compete for! I think it all runs a bit deeper. Last year, we studied really violent (and graphic) plays. I was really upset by an abuse scene, and spoke to a couple of friends about what I'd been through when younger. I wrote something on it (I'm a writer). Then , this year, a couple of students staged a similar graphic scene, with no warning. Another student staged a piece on a recent news story, really badly ethically represented. It 'triggered' me, and put me in a really bad place. I spoke out- and said that it was nothing to do with the content- but they needed warn others, out of respect.I wrote a metaphorical piece and was awarded a first. Theirs were both low grades. It wasn't about me being right though, and I felt so guilty! It's all to do with me having said something, but I think it was an ultimate act of bullying. Showing a scene to a woman you know was abused. I don't know, I think I was wrong to ask for a triggering warning, perhaps.