If you regularly get severe depression & anxiety...

[DevonCiderPunk]

...have you any hope that it will ever go away?

scored 100% on both tests again today (7th time I think in 14 years) and when the "6 sessions of CBT" leaflet came out I just sat there weeping because had this crippling feeling that no-one is ever going to be able to properly help.

Tried all sorts of meds, 2 years private psychotherapy, any number of 6 session programs. I think I'm just broken, despite doing all the right things - exercise, hobbies, self-soothing, good diet, getting out, not drinking etc etc.

DH tried to be kind but also said he feels he made a mistake in marrying me. We were waiting for Relate but he suggested that there's no point staying on the list now (now that it's cleAr that I'm the problem I suppose).

horrible day.

Hi Ciderpunk sounds like you are having a hard time.

Err DH saying 'he feels he made a mistake in marrying' you seems rather...harsh. Have you discussed this comment with him e.g. how it made you feel? I went to Relate with my ex. It was extremely useful...especially for getting us to understand where the other one was coming from, the different ways we communicated and why etc. It really is worth waiting for. Whatever the 'problem' is- there is rarely one, surely, I severely doubt that it is you. It takes two to tango...as they say.

That wasn't very nice of your DH. Maybe you made a mistake in marrying him!

Ill be watching this thread with interest. I've tried meds but don't like the weight gain. I think I am going to explore other things such as St. John's wort. Evening primrose oil.

Something I've realised is that it's up to me to sort this out.

In whst way has your health impacted on your husband?

I've suffered from depression and anxiety (on top of other health issues) for over half my lifetime. I don't see it as something that will ever go away tbh. I've had all sorts of interventions like you, psychotherapy, CAT, CBT, have been on and off almost all the ADs. I do think that some people are just predisposed to it, and with my life circumstances and various triggers that it's almost inconceivable that I wouldn't be severely depressed.

I think I kind of accept it now so I don't get the feeling of despair that you have that it will never get better, I just don't expect it to and I just trudge along doing what I can. There's a lot to be said for learning to accept your situation.

I think your DH was insensitive but I know from other threads that it's incredibly hard to deal with a depressed partner (esp someone severely depressed like me, where it restricts ability to work/socialise/maintain the home/childcare). It's not unusual for posters to encourage someone to leave their partner who is depressed. It's very hard to be a carer for someone who has severe depression, it's like any other incapacitating illness really, and it's hard work. Not everyone is able to cope with that. I think my DH is quite a nurturing person, so he thrives on it, but I know my behaviour gets him down sometimes.

I think the comment about Relate is that it is therapy that deals with relationships, but as an individual you need to find therapy (or other treatment) that deals with your own issues first. I'm not sure what therapy that might be, I certainly haven't found it!

Another person here who has experienced depression on and off over a long time - over 20 years. At the moment I am just exhausted by the whole thing and can't imagine what the future will be like. I will have a few good weeks, maybe a few good months and then it will start again. I try to make plans for the future to distract me from the present, not sure if it helps but don't know what else I can do.

One thing I think about is something I read somewhere which said that people with depression and anxiety often berate themselves for being weak and not coping with life. That is something that I know I do. Anyway what this person was saying is that experiencing depression and anxiety is hard and surviving it is hard so in fact people with depression and anxiety are strong - they need to be to cope with their condition. I don't know if that helps but I do know how easy it is to get into a spiral of feeling depressed and then feeling a failure for being depressed which just deepens the depression.

We live in a society that does not really acknowledge the pain of mental ill health but those of us who experience it knows it exist. I wish I knew what to say to help you but I don't. I'm sorry you are in a bad place at the moment and sorry that your DH isn't able to support you.

Are you sure your husband isn't making you depressed? That was a hugely insensitive thing to say to a ill person. In sickness and in health etc. is he normally so blunt?

Thanks everyone for your replies. Talked it through with DH and we both feel a bit better for it. He has a physical health condition too which has come back & upset us both I think. So we are just sort of taking it in turns to prop things up at the mo.

think acceptance is def the way to go.