If so, i will say tentatively that I think I like it!
Was prescribed it for obsessive anxious thoughts- dont really know the medical diagnosis but basically just convinced myself I a disgusting person, terrible mother, worthless, that I had ruined my (happy and healthy) children's lives and it was only a matter of time before my terrible mothering skills manifested in their behaviour or they got ill because they didnt have a perfect diet and I was too lazy to BF DD1; and fucked up my own life and brought misery on everyone and...oh the list goes on. I would sit for hours and analyse every little thing i had done wrong and why and what were my motivations and what harm had I caused and what did people think of me and was I a bad person!!
Two weeks on it, anxiety peaked for the last couple of days to the point where I was just a crying wreck... and now, POUF, I'm suddenly aware of my thoughts and detached from them. I can hear them but I'm just like...hmm, okaaay. My psychiatrist will see me tomorrow and I know he will ask "do you still think you're a terrible mother" and I don't know what to say. I can't say yes and I can't say no. It just doesn't really seem to matter what I think, good or bad. For the first time in a long time, I just want to get on with life without putting a label on everything. I just want to be.
The trouble is, he will want me to say I don't think I'm a bad mother- as that's what he's said we are working towards...convincing me that I a m a good mother and a good, worthy person. But I can't say that. I don't know what the hell I am and right now it's not even something I care to debate. I'm just a person who is trying. To me that seems ok.
Very weird feeling. But surely a good thing? Can anyone relate??
I sound mad don't I??