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Just not coping

4 replies

3ismylot · 14/04/2014 14:17

Im not really sure what I expect from this post but I feel that I need to get it all out.
I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember and am currently on 100mg sertraline. I have 3dcs and dh but we have very little family support as I am NC with my adoptive parents and am still building a relationship with my bio Mum and family, we are also NC with dh's Mum and rarely see his Dad as he live 4 hours away.

I have had loads of crap in my life including being adopted and brought up by toxic parents and being sexually abused by my adopted brother.

Even in primary school I was overweight and am at my biggest ever with my binge eating totally out of control!
I struggle with looking after the kids and spend way to much time snapping at them Sad
I am in a job I hate that brings me lots of stress and crap and really affects my anxiety but pays pretty well and fits in with not needing childcare so not easy to leave.
Seeing it written down it doesnt look like much but I am just not coping, I am on a waiting list to see a counsellor about the sexual abuse but it will be at least 3 months before I see anyone and my gateway worker refuses to let me have cbt for my other issues until I have dealt with the sexual abuse.

I cant motivate myself to do anything other than binge eat and I feel like just walking away from everything Sad

Why is it so hard to get help?

OP posts:
LastingLight · 14/04/2014 14:47

Seeing it written down it DOES look like much. You have a great deal to cope with. Being a working mom is hard at the best of times and you have a lot of other things going on as well. Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? You need therapy to work through the issues but it will help if your meds are optimised. Maybe you need to try a different ad?
Thanks

coffeetofunction · 14/04/2014 15:03

I can't really offer much help however having my own mh issues I wanted to off you my hand to hold, Feeling alone is awful xThanks

3ismylot · 14/04/2014 15:14

Thanks both x

I have only been on the Sertraline for a few months as was previously on Citalopram 20mg and Doc changed it when I said I wasn't coping, It is a lot better than it was but still finding it hard day to day.

I asked for counselling but where I am you can only access it through a gateway worker and she won't refer me for therapy until I work through my abuse with a rape and abuse charity but their wait list is very long.

I haven't even got the motivation to fight for help and can feel myself getting lower and lower everyday Sad

OP posts:
LastingLight · 14/04/2014 15:52

So things got better on the Sertraline but is now slowly getting worse again? Your dosage could be increased, it can go up to 200mg. If that doesn't work you may be one of the few unfortunate people (like me) who have to try multiple ad's before finding one that works, and for whom some ad's work for a while and then just stop. If this is your experience you definitely need to be treated by a psychiatrist and not a gp.

It's terrible that you can't access the therapy you need. I'm not in the UK so can't offer practical advice in this regard, sorry. Can your dh not fight on your behalf? That gateway worker must report to someone who can overturn her decision.

It's important to go back to basics in terms of self care when one is in the situation you're in.

Involved your husband and the dc's (if they're old enough) and plan a week's meals in advance. Try to make them as healthy as possible. Shop only for the ingredients you need to make those meals.

When you cook, try to make enough for 2 meals. Then either freeze or leave in the fridge for 2 days later. If the family doesn't like this, tough. Not having to cook every day is one less thing you have to stress about. Even better, let DH and the dc's cook.

Do DH and the dc's do their fair share of the housework?

Get some exercise. This doesn't have to take long or be strenuous - when DH comes home, leave the dc's to him and walk for 7.5 minutes. Then turn around and walk back. You've just got 15 minutes of exercise. If walking with the dc's is possible, take them with you.

Try to get out into the sun every day (weather permitting).

Try to find something every week that you can look forward to... 30 min coffee break with a friend, your favourite magazine, having a haircut... it doesn't have to be big things.

I haven't tried mindfulness myself but have read very good things about it.

Sit down and think about the things that make you snap at the kids. Write them down. Highlight the ones that are non-negotiable. Decide to let the rest go. This is very, very hard especially when you're very stressed and depressed as you just want them to LISTEN and DO AS THEY'RE TOLD and not expect you to think rationally about what you are expecting from them. Just try. Lower your standards. Try making lists for them so they can see what they have to do in the morning, afternoon, evening - use pictures or photo's for younger ones. Ask DH to help you set up situations in which you can do something enjoyable with your children.

This has become quite a thesis. I hope some of this is useful to you.

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