I have been muddling along for the last year after a breakdown and frankly terrifying onset of ptsd following leaving my abusive husband. I've been on and off a few threads around here but my concentration is shit at the moment and I can't reply to everyone and get a bit lost.
Anyway- I am in my final year of my degree and returned following a year off to do the final 10 weeks of my placement in time to graduate in the summer. I HAVE to do it- I can't have more time off and can't delay graduation any further. However, I am struggling so much. I get in such an anxious state before each shift and often end up crying and hyperventilating. Today I am meant to be in for the evening but I just can't do it, I am so flashbacky and anxious and such a mess. Even when I do make it in I am in a state of constant anxiety, avoid things and am frankly pretty rubbish. I have missed a fair few shifts now and know I need to get a grip, but can't. I feel like I am fucking it all up and can't stop myself. My supervisor is sympathetic, but will have no choice but to fail me if I'm not there!
I know I'm not really well enough right now, I managed the first few weeks but seem to have hit a wall so close to the end. Does anyone have any advice on how I can pull myself together? I just need to hold it together for another 4 weeks but it seems impossible right now.
Oh, and my dp (new dp, was previously a friend who I have known for years, not an abusive twat) is getting pretty frustrated with me as we really need me to get this degree. Today he has spent an hour trying to calm me down and persuade me to go in for my shift, which only made me feel more awful and I ended up shouting at him to leave me alone. Which he has so now I am feeling doubly useless.
This is such a self indulgent rant I know, I just wanted someone who understands to hand hold for a while. I feel wretched.