'Friend' has made me feel guilty and awful

[Katkins1]

I'm currently finishing a degree (hand ins May 2nd, 13th, 14th and 28th). Working flat out/ as fast as I can on everything. Barely doing housework, eating properly or anything, just trying to get my work done!

My Gran dad died in Jan. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. I became suicidal in Jan, only just over it. May 28th hand in is an extension from May 9th on my dissertation as I just haven't got what I need to do on it done, although I'm doing the last 1,500 words and HUGE task of sorting my references over the weekend. I'm absolutely terrified I'm going to fail.

Bumped in to 'friend' in the library; stopped for all of five minutes to talk about dissertation and where to find the submission front sheet (still don't know.. whole other story..). She started ranting and raving that I shouldn't have had extension because her research was delayed to external factors and so on. Then told me to stop talking to her and distracting her. We were in a group of 3;just general 'hello', and she has made me feel so rubbish.

I'm already scared and nervous, and on the edge of burn out. Need to re-draft and finish an essay tonight. Another late one, then job interview tomorrow, before another round of dissertation writing.

She has just made me feel so awful about myself. Sorry, it sounds childish. I nearly wanted to cry after (tired too). Just needed to vent. She was so horrible.

(((HUGS))) Katkins. You are tired and stressed, the other student is tired and stressed... it's a recipe for conflict. Just keep your head down and do your thing. Good luck for the interview tomorrow.

Agree with LastingLight.
Good idea to vent on here.

No go and do what you need to do!

Oh, I haven't said anything to her, I understand she is tired and just as pressured. I just wanted to get it out because I feel a bit rubbish. I think the stress will ease over Easter, when we can just focus on getting everything sorted in our own time.

Don't feel rubbish. It's not your fault that she didn't get an extension. You did what you needed to do in order to complete your degree and it's ok to be a bit selfish about it at this point.

She didn't ask for an extension, and I don't know, I hardly think being sucididal and dealing with grief are the same as delayed research (due to the case study organisation). I suppose my issue wasn't she was stressing about the deadline (we all are), rather, she knows about my situation and was incredibly insensitive.

Some people are egotistical and insensitive. No idea if she was. However soon your degree will be finished and you will not need to meet her again. When people are stressed it is easy for them to compare with others or show they are worse or better off, because of how it makes them feel.

All you can do is what you are already doing - putting the time in and soon it will be over. I remember counting down the words, the deadlines and the dates. Someone once said to me " and this too will pass" - did not reassure at the time, but I must admit now many years looking back it is more of a blur and talking with others retrospectively a similar blur for them. Chocolate helped if I remembered!!

Easier said than done, but don't let it get to you. I'm a uni lecturer and I see the full run of people--there are those who truly need/deserve extensions, but think that it somehow reflects badly on them, to those who have a ridiculous sense of entitlement and believe the world revolves around them. It sounds like your 'friend' sits in the latter category.

I will say that I've done a BA, MA, and PhD--the most stressful point in those 8 years of university work was the last few weeks of my UG dissertation.

Thank you. I was offered mitigating circumstances, but have only taken a three week extension on my dissertation. I have been writing an assignment tonight, and only have 1,000 words left to write on it before I can start drafting and re-drafting and referencing (it's due May 2nd), so it's not as though I'm really, really behind.

I'm not bothered about not seeing her again now, if I'm honest, she was so very cruel. I know that people get stressed, but projecting that stress on to others is not helpful. I think I was hurt because I've had to drag myself up from everything that has happened lately, and to a point where I can get my work done.

I just felt that in one remark, she undermined everything that I had done, and the progress that I had made. It was a bit confidence crushing, if I am honest.

Are you using referencing software? It can make that huge task so much easier. Speak to your library staff, refworks has saved loads of time in referencing for me and is quite user friendly. Your uni may be able to let you have access to whatever is used there. I hope it all works out ok. Limit your time spent on here, it is good to vent but can thieve time you need for your work.
Some good advice above. (())

Referencing software won't reference the variation of the Harvard my uni uses *sigh. Though, I do know people who have used in and not been penalised. I have never, ever been able to get my head around ref works- ever!

I've almost finished one assignment today (900 words, bit of referencing and maybe a couple of easily found journal articles to go); was talking on here during a self-imposed break. The thing with that is making sure my 'break' doesn't become an hour though- you are quite right.

I'm pleased I managed to get some work done as it gives me re-drafting time on the assignment- which I so need. Although I do know people hand in first drafts too.

My 'friend' was saying I could hand in my dissertation on time if I wanted; but I think the extra time takes the pressure off, and that's useful.

You sound like you have a sensible and sound approach to the whole thing. When you have a stash of deadlines things are going to feel a bit overwhelming. Your friend sounds like she was too caught up in her own anxieties to be in any way thoughtful about her interaction with you. I hope things are better today and that the interview went well. I've been busy with writing recently and if going on internet for a break I found it helpful to set a timer on my phone to ring after 15 mins.
Good luck

Thank you :) I got the arts contract. It's not wages money, but it's my own little project, and it's pay. That's a p/t freelance job for a year now- my first one! Still haven't finished my dissertation though.

I really wouldn't worry about her. You asked for and justifiably got an extention. Everyone has their own external stresses and she has no idea what yours are.
I'm doing a post grad at the moment. Of the four essays I've not got any in on time. As far as I'm concerned thats between me and my tutor. I've still done the work due to the reasons for the extention I've not actually had any more real time to do it in (if that makes sense).

That makes sense. It's only one essay, which is good going as far as I can see. But they put extensions there to help people in horrible circumstances, because they do happen.

My extension was there for a reason; and it's to make sure I pass enough to get on to post-grad (got two offers which I'm deferring until next year, maybe applying for a funded one this year, if there's time to get in).

Really don't worry about her. I'm in the middle of my UG dissertation and other students have already handed theirs in. My uni gives a straight 4 weeks extension to anyone with dyslexia so I've taken advantage of it as I have anxiety and depression too. Previously I tried to 'appear normal' and hand in everything on time, but it meant working through the nights until the deadline and being rushed and stressed. This time I have more breathing space. The uni does extended deadlines for other students without disabilities as well, so anyone who needs an extension but is rushing to get theirs in without taking advantage of that has just made that decision imo. I know other students on my course who have been rushing to get their dissertations in even though I know they have dyslexia, and I think they're just a bit daft now.

That's ace of your uni. I'm taking three weeks on my dissertation.

Well done on getting the job!