So I did that Edinburgh PND test thing

[wellthatsnotgood]

And I scored 22.

And it says you shouldn't score more than 10.

So that's not good.

I don't feel very well at the moment. I did the test online because I think DH is a bit worried about me. I have been so anxious and grouchy and taking it out on him and he keeps asking me what's wrong, do I feel all right.

And I don't feel great. I feel very stressed and upset but also so exhausted and unable to DO anything about it and the house is a tip but all I do is clean and it just goes back to chaotic immediately.

DD2 is just gone 5 months old. I have been feeling so good and coping so well second time around. I have lost tons of baby weight. DD2 is SUCH a cheerful, easy baby. She never cries. DD1 (3) adores her. DD2 is a pretty good sleeper.

But I have recurring blocked ducts which are agony. I EBF'd DD1 until her 1st birthday, the thought I wouldn't do that this time never even occured to me but I can't cope with the pain, so I just feel so guilty at the thought of stopping. It's been five weeks now of blocked ducts every 4-5 days, it lasts 24-48 hours, I'm worried I'll get mastitis but I haven't yet.

What should I do? I'm not from the UK, DD1 was born abroad and I don't really know how the whole GP/midwife/baby clinic works. I haven't heard from the health visitor since DD2 was a week old. She was lovely but I think she just figured I had everything under control.

There is a baby clinic tomorrow in the GP's surgery. I was planning to take DD2 anyway to get her weighed. Should I say something to them? I am very afraid and nervous to say it. I don't know why. If this was someone else writing I would want to thump them over the head and say "obviously you must tell them" but I don't actually know if I can bring myself to say it. I don't know how I'd begin. What will they say? What would the next step be? I really, really, really REALLY don't want to take medication. I've never taken anything before and I would be worried about side effects, getting off it, if I'd have to write that I'd taken something on every form I fill out in future forever. And I don't know if I feel bad enough to need it. Although even as I write that, what I mean is "I think I am certainly capable of feeling loads worse than this" which isn't actually very cheering, is it?

I'm so sorry this is so long. If anyone has been here before, I would be so grateful if you could tell me what you did next and what happened. I feel so clueless and worried.

Oh my, go to the clinic tomorrow and speak to one of the health visitors there. They are there to help you. Often, just telling someone helps a lot.
I suffered pnd 30 years ago, but thought it was normal, I wish I'd sought help.
My dd1 had pnd after her first baby 2 years ago. She went to the baby clinic and just chatted, and chatted to the HV. The HV was brilliant, got her in to see the dr straight away and yes, she went on meds, but she NEEDED them. Drs don't merely hand them out like sweeties anymore, they are very careful now adays. If you have an injury, the use a plaster or bandage, meds are no different.
You can do this, you will come through, your HV will help you start back on the road to 'normal' again.
Warm wishes and hugs.

hello. not sure i can help much, other than agree that you ought to discuss your concerns with a hv or gp, i think i would feel the same about taking drugs, but imagine there must be bf safe options and maybe they could offer you some 'talking options' which may be a way to he'll you would feel more comfortable with?
do hope you get some help and begin to feel better.

Go to clinic, and tell them that you're struggling. Maybe you'd like someone to come visit you at home?

We all feel overwhelmed at times, but if you think it's more than that it's important to talk to someone. That doesn't necessarily mean you'll end up on medication. Your HV or GP might have other suggestions about how you manage this.

I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job.

Well done for being proactive and doing something already to looking at that test thingy.
Go and get your daughter weighed.
Looking back, I had mild PND and I talked to a HV about my concerns for my son and she immediately recognised that it was ME that was struggling not him IYSWIM?
Don't be embarrassed.

Ah, well, I found the same thing - and did nothing, and instead tried to hide how I felt from anyone/everyone...end result was going really quite bonkers when baby was 10 months old. Psych and police and social services involved...really messy when all I needed to have done was say "I feel a like a 22" when baby was 5 months old.

There's loads of help, and loads of treatment, and you need to follow this up. What's not a good idea is what I did - wibbling for months thinking "I'm sure it'll go away" "I do love her" "I'm doing ok" - and then, eventually, going really very squiffy, making some peculiar choices and creating a whole lot of drama that wasn't needed.

So, in essence - yep, I've been there. I did feck all. I wouldn't advise it as a plan of action.

Yes, tell them tomorrow. They'll give you a cup of tea, and listen, and, you'll feel a Whole Lot Better almost immediately.

FWIW - I got back to what-passes-for-my-normal very quickly and went on to have another 2 kids and didn't have any funny episodes afterwards. But, seriously, not worth the drama.

Go and tell them how you feel at clinic.

And let us know how you get on

I can't offer much advice, but yes, definitely tell your gp or hv how you're feeling. And, get yourself a lecithin supplement, it's a miracle for blocked ducts. DS had an undiagnosed tongue tie so I had lots of blocked ducts and lecithin worked wonders. you should be able to get it in a health food shop or pharmacy.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you all so much for the lovely replies!

It's been a good morning in some ways but a difficult one in others.

I woke up this morning with a blocked duct AGAIN. But while it's very painful it was actually quite good that it is literally happening at this minute because it meant the HV and GP could have a look at me.

I went to the baby clinic! The health visitor was lovely and remembered me straight away. I wasn't able to bring myself to actually mention doing the test, but I did tell her honestly how stressed and anxious and exhausted I feel. She was pretty concerned about the blocked ducts and made an appointment for me to see the GP then and there.

She also made an appointment to come see me early next week as DD2 missed her 3 month check (we were visiting my home country).

Unfortunately she also weighed DD2 and found that she hasn't been gaining much weight. She has dropped from 50th centile to 12th. HV was very non-panicky and reassuring about this and just said to stick with the feeding as frequently as possible and we would keep an eye on the weight for the next couple of weeks. She says it's probably the blocked ducts and general run-down-ness effecting my supply. I feel pretty awful that I had no idea DD2 wasn't gaining. It feels like she's about to outgrow her 3-6MO clothes and I honestly thought she was thriving .

So then I went to the GP who was also lovely. She examined my boob, took my temperature, and gave me a course of antibiotics. Again, I didn't use the words 'PND' but I was very upfront about how anxious and tired etc I am. I have an appointment to see her again the week after next to see how I'm feeling once I finish the antibiotics.

So basically I came out of the surgery with a struggling with weight DD2 (very bad), a prescription for the recurring blocked ducts (good) and two follow-up appointments with the HV and GP for the next two weeks (good). I am really hoping that once I take the antibiotics and clear up the infection I'll have more energy and feel a bit more positive and hopefully be in a better frame of mind to cope with things. The GP and HV were so, so nice and reassuring and I am really glad I'll see them again and I'm going to keep on being honest about feeling upset/worried etc.

I am really worried about DD2 but she is gurgling away in the bouncer beside me and seems so happy and cheerful so I am just going to keep getting as much milk in her as possible and be much better about getting her weighed from now on. (With DD1 I had her weighed practically weekly... there just didn't seem to be the time this time round and I thought I had it all under control but I am going to be so much more diligent now).

THANK YOU again for reading. It helps so much to write it out.

Glad things are getting sorted for you and extremely glad you are getting help!
If I knew how to, I'd give you a hug and a choc biscuit, but I can just manage to type!
Take Care

Is she exclusively Breastfed?
If she is happy and contented, I wouldn't worry excessively about it. If she was gaining too quickly it would be a problem too!!
I'm so glad you were brave and told them how you were feeling.

Breastfed babies can gain weight in funny patches - often gaining quickly or seemingly not gaining enough. One weigh in does not necessarily mean a problem. I think your HV was right to keep an eye on the weight gain as a mix of your blocked ducts and the natural ebb and flow of weight gain may mean this is just a blip.

I'm glad you've seen the HV and GP. Is there anything you can do to stave off the blocked ducts? I know a friend stopped wearing nursing bras and wore crop top style bras instead as she felt the for of the bras was causing blocked ducts. Could a warm shower at night help?

I often wake with what feels like the beginnings of blocked ducts but can clear them through feeding and massage in the shower. If this isn't enough could one of the breastfeeding helplines advise you?

Breastfed babies can gain weight in funny patches - often gaining quickly or seemingly not gaining enough. One weigh in does not necessarily mean a problem. I think your HV was right to keep an eye on the weight gain as a mix of your blocked ducts and the natural ebb and flow of weight gain may mean this is just a blip.

I'm glad you've seen the HV and GP. Is there anything you can do to stave off the blocked ducts? I know a friend stopped wearing nursing bras and wore crop top style bras instead as she felt the for of the bras was causing blocked ducts. Could a warm shower at night help?

I often wake with what feels like the beginnings of blocked ducts but can clear them through feeding and massage in the shower. If this isn't enough could one of the breastfeeding helplines advise you?

Sorry for the double post.