I went to see a consultant back home after a couple of fruitless years or pain and annoyance and she told me to think about what she said to me on my way home. So here I am contemplating my naval (which isn't all that pretty I must say) and hoping I do not bore everybody to tears.
I am fully aware that there are people on here and out there who are much worse off and have to struggle on with much more severe problems than me, but I need to have a self centred self obsessed ramble and waffle just so not to despair.
Here in the UK any investigations into my on-going symptoms resulted in 'we can't find anything take some painkillers'.
By the 'foreign' consultant I am told that I am organically healthy but it seems my physical problems are psychosomatic due to my body being stressed and was recommended therapy to see whether there are any underlying 'issues'.
Oh I have issues alright, doesn't everybody?
However, I am aware of them and there are no emotional skeletons anywhere hidden away in the dusty remnants of my once so organised brain so nothing that needs to be come to terms with besides maybe the loss of my organisational powers. Don't even have a problem with airing my life to a therapist (I talk about it all the time on mn), except for that I don't give much head to NHS ones. Saw one once whilst suffering from PND for 30 mins - after having had to wait for over 4 months ? very helpful that, makes you fell like they're really interested doesn't it? Plus of course trying to persuade my GP to refer me on grounds of findings a foreign doctor made isn't easy.
Basically it comes down to chill or stay/get ill.
I was recommend to take hops, valerian, Melissa/balm and St Johns Worth. So I did and now I can barely muster enough energy to get on with what I was doing before I was pulled down from my stressed induced hyper state? I just want to lie down and sleep, which of course I cannot as there is too much to do all the time.
I didn't consider my life all that bad and stressful bar the usual stuff of course:
The last good nights sleep I've had I can't remember. I have kids who are pushing it at times and a husband who is lovely, caring and helpful but still occasionally drives me up the wall.
The kids are healthy
I eat a balanced diet
I work out ? which I've been told is too much, but that's the only thing keeping me semi awake and going
I work
Have childcare and school worries
We haven't got an abundance of cashflow but we get by
Household chores never seem to end and the place looks like a tip at times
Our social life is not all that brilliant but slowly getting there
Dh and I have a hobby we share
Since I've moved away I even get on with my mother.
What happened to me? I used to be this resilient energizer bunny that just got up and on with it. And now I'm sitting here wondering why can't I just get an ulcer like 'normal' people when stressed but have to display non-symptomatic manifestations? And as my circumstances aren't going to change in a hurry? how, seeing that my life seems pretty standard and calm in comparison to some things I've read here on mn, can I possibly make the required changes as to chill?
Don't know whether this is making sense to anybody but me, but if you were that bored to read all of it? Thanks for reading.