Feeling a bit desperate

[HopelesslyDevotedToWhat]

I have had a pretty bad time lately. My partner got depressed and left me very unexpectedly and said he didn't love me anymore.

I have tried for a while to keep positive about it and at first I was very positive and felt like we could get through his illness together.

I just seem to have lost hope. I am struggling to get out of bed at all. Can't seem to do anything.

I'm far away from any close friends or family and I pick up the phone to call them but then don't because I don't think anyone could understand my pain or loneliness. I can't describe it.

I don't sleep, and when I do I have sweats and horrible dreams and I wake up like a jolt every day at 4am or 5am and can't get back to sleep.

I wake up in the morning and just wish I wasn't here or that life wasn't real. I find it hard to eat or to have the energy to do anything and I have had lots of sick days where I just can't get up.

I don't know why I am posting here but I just feel so lost and alone and like nothing can ever be good again.

No real wise words I'm afraid but just wanted to hand-hold till someone wiser comes along

I've just been started on ADs a few days ago - it took me months to get the courage up to go to my GP and tell him how bad I was feeling. I know I've got a way to go before my meds really help me but the sheer feeling of relief for getting my horrible scary feelings out in the open was hugely helpful in itself. Do you think you could get yourself to your docs?

Thanks Chuffchuff. I don't want to go on anti depressants. The anti depressants took away all my partners emotions and he's numb now. I'd rather be in pain than be like that