Am I a narcissist and how can I change?

[PuddingAndHotMilk]

I'm married with an 8mo baby and have been unpicking the damage done by my emotionally absent mother. I want better for my DD.

I've always been openly emotional and always worry if someone is withdrawn or in a bad mood that it's my fault, they're upset with me or I've done something wrong. I'm a dreadful 'pleaser'.

I had a humdinger of a row with DH last night and he basically said I always ask him about us but not about him and he's increasingly pissed off that I'm always upset. I think we have got ourselves into a vicious cycle: he's in a bad mood for some reason. I assume it's me and get upset cos I trip over myself to make his life easy. I get upset and feel unappreciated. He gets pissed off and withdraws. I sense I've done something wrong and so the dance continues.

I have realised that we need to communicate better but it's struck me how self obsessed or narcissistic it is of me to assume that if he is down it's because of me? I felt like because I'm trying to do so much for him and be so selfless I'm not but maybe I'm just a horrible narc playing martyr?

I'm sick of crying all the time. I'm sick of not feeling good enough. I want to be better than my mother but feel like I'm going crazy trying to work out what's what.

I'm in tears daily. I have a great bond with DD but she is hard work and feeds regularly and long overnight so I recognise I'm tired which doesn't help but should I stop making excuses for my behaviour?

Sorry for a rambly post but I didn't want to dripfeed

It sounds a lot to me like you are trying to do too much. You are tired which always intensifies things. Have you had any counselling regarding the position with your mum?

I did some counselling about 8 weeks before DD arrived that was brilliant and really helped. I've not been able to find time since she arrived but I'm wondering if I need to prioritise that for myself (and my relationship)

Shameless bump. Anyone able to help out on the narc side of things?

I'm am not a self proclaimed mumsnet narc hunter. From my limited knowledge it does not sound as though you are one but you do have self esteem issues to assume its always your fault. I do this too and counselling is invaluable. If you were a true narc it wouldn't register you were the problem.

It doesn't sound like you're narcissistic at all. It souds like you have appalling self esteem issues.

Narcissists don't worry about whether they've upset someone as generally they believe that people should bow to their will.

It sounds like talking therapy could really help you get on top of your feelings. Waiting lists on the NHS are generally appalling, but see if you can go to your GP and ask whether you can be referred.

Try to stop beating yourself up. These worries about being a narc are unfounded and another way of laying all of the blame for the trouble in your relationship on yourself.

Thanks Keema and Angelina
I've decided to seek some talking therapy and review the possibility of PND as well. You've helped me gain a sense of perspective again. Thanks