Too Ill to Look After Children

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My partner is suffering from severe depression and anxiety and a possible undiagnosed personality disorder and is going downhill fast.

Bit of background: We have 2 children, 3 years and 10 months and have been together 6 years. Last year as I was nearing the end of my last pregnancy DP suffered a breakdown and has struggled to regain himself since. We've struggled with getting help as the support in our area is terrible and we can't afford private since he lost his job due to the illness. I went back to work at the beginning of January, I work 30 hours a week and I'm not a high earner. We need the money I bring in.

I don't feel my partner is properly capable of caring for the children properly any more, not without my support. He is especially negative towards 3 year old DD and she is playing up a lot as her usually loving daddy has changed :( He is withdrawn, doesn't clean or dress them, hair, teeth etc... Forgets to feed them lunch... I just can't bring myself to leave them with him any more. He also doses himself up with Diazepam so is a bit out of it.

My work are not very understanding and I don't know where I stand if I was to quit to look after the children if he is at home?

We are currently in the process of making a claim for Personal Independence Payments, but as with everything this takes time. Does anyone know that if I was to leave if we would be entitled to any help at all?

I've tried to be as informative as possible, my head is all over the place right now with worry. I'm currently off on holiday but I'm due to go back soon so any advice will be really appreciated.

Thank you for reading, feel free to ask any questions.

Could you give your HV a ring to talk about child are. I say thins because there is some government funding available for child are depending on income when they are aged two and it is free for a set number of hours when a child is 3. Also they may be able to look at providing some support for you with your situation. If he is not safe to care for them do say that as it may trigger more help and support for you as a family. Do you have any family who could help with the 10mth old if your 3yr old went to nursery? A family support worker from the children's centre could maybe visit and help your do set up a routine - you could ask for this help from your local children's centre.

You could go to your CAB to ask for advice on benefits and when you would be expected to return to work and what you could claim. It may be worth posting this question in another board that looks at employment and benefits as I am sure there will be some good opinions and links on some areas for you.

I would imagine if you voluntarily chose to give up your job there would be child benefit and your dp's benefits. Unsure of anything else I am afraid.

We had to do this when I became ill. My dh gave up work to care for all of us we got dla for me and income support. It was the only thing to do at the time but was very difficult.