I don't think I'm acting in a sensible way.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

8 weeks ago I was on a drug regime that had kept me well for nearly 2 years. I started to get stressed at work and started to reduce my meds unsupervised. since then I persuaded my psych to let me drop the antipsychotic and go back onto an antidepressant and not on her advice have stopped taking a mood stabiliser.

This seemed like a really good idea at the time, but it's struck me that I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing. I think my addled brain thought that a dose of hypomania would be good for me, but there no guarantee I will go that way and may actually end up depressed. I see. To be walking into fucking up my life with my eyes wide open and I don't know why.

Argh.

I don't think it helps that I've changed care co and psych and neither of them know me so I've "got away with" making these ridiculous changes.

Help.

Yes, till I got stressed, which is a trigger. I probably should have taken more instead of less and changing, but who knows. Seriously though, I'll be fine. I think I'm just used to questioning every little change of mood and thinking the worst.

Well at least you can tell above to your gp and go from there.

this is just getting silly now. I'm tired. I know I'm tired. I've taken diazepam but I'm still bloody awake. ffs.

that's it. definitely calling the GP tomorrow and just hope that he's in and got a clinic or I'm stuffed.

Were your meds sedative? I wonder if you sleep bad because not having them? (if you don't feel hypomanic otherwise)

I went to see my GP this morning. She agreed that I am not being sensible and to all appearances look to be going high. Not a good thing. So back onto the anti-psychotic and she's given me some sleeping tabs as well.

I mentioned about never hearing back from my care co, but she's happy for me to go to her direct since that's not working. Thank FUCK for a decent GP.

Hope things improve for you now. Not sleeping can be a big sign.

Good you got your meds sorted with gp before going high/low.

Well done Keema. I convinced myself coming off my multitude of meds was a good idea last summer and subsequently had a horrific psychotic episode. I was a fool and should know better. I'm thinking of having 'Take you meds, you idiot' tattooed on the inside of my wrist!

"I should know better" would be a good mantra too Every now and again I forget about sensible. I'll be honest and even with the advice I'm still in two minds, but will do the sensible thing.

So pleased you spoke to your GP and she was helpful. Think it's good you have enough insight to realise things aren't quite as they should be.

Hope things even out for you soon.

How are you doing?

Woohoo! My care co actually called back. That's a new record of 4 days.

I told her I've sorted it and gone to the GP.

Was she helpful?! Are you sleeping better?