Can't do this anymore

[Katkins1]

I feel as though I can't do this anymore. I am trying to bring up my DD on my own, do a degree and graduate this year.

But I know I'm not going to. Saw my supervisor today and she said my dissertation work 'wasn't good enough' and now I need to re-write the whole thing. I'm looking at starting two chapters from scratch and it's 10,000 words long; due in 7 weeks.

I just can't do it. I have other modules I've barely started. I've been struggling with depression, been secretly self-harming (no-one knows, its occasional) and now this is just... I can't do it.

I've seen my GP, am going back to get a note for mitigating circumstances. But right now, right now, I just feel as though I can't do it, don't deserve to graduate and I've let me, and my DD, down. I just don't have the time- or the energy- anymore.

I think its time to give up on this, and trying to get better.

[Katkins1]

Thank you. Not sure I could hand in my draft now I've been cutting and pasting sections that do work with ones that don't!

I think this was her intent, to encourage me to work and get a decent grade. It's just so, so much work and I'm only one person (!). Plus two other modules. I was going to give my first chapter another look and re-write today, move on to writing the new one with new theory over next week, and the third at the weekend.

Each one is 2,500 words long and I need to re-read every single journal article I have for it (though not the core reading). I might just be under my desk crying by the end.

[bigkidsdidit]

That sounds like a good plan. But if it all gets too much or you, remember better in than perfect :)

[Katkins1]

My supervisor has said that she was harsh because she doesn't want to see me under-achieve, and that we have got to the point in the year where the people who could do well really need to push it.

I fully expected that, and my hand in date is 8th May, though I need to hand on the 7th, because I have a viva for something else that morning. I'm just not sure of how long it will take me to re-write each chapter. I'm guessing some very, very late nights for me!

[Katkins1]

I wanted to update you all. I spoke to my lecturers about how I was feeling, and my GP. I'd been feeling sucididal. They were supportive, and my GP suggested counselling. The process has started for me to apply for mitigating circumstances, and graduate this year, provided I hand my work in and pass it!

I re-wrote most if my first chapter, my supervisor proofed it, and said my ideas were very, very interesting, but pointed out the things I needed to explain, or make clear. She also said this : "This is work of such depth and sophistication - something really worth writing", but that I should take the extra time to get it as good as it can be with the mitigating circumstances.

[bigkidsdidit]

Well done!

[bryte]

you're doing it. That's great. Keep focussing on one day at a time. You can do this. You got this far already.

[LastingLight]

I'm so glad you asked for help. Your supervisor's comments are fantastic, clearly you are a superb student. I quake in my boots at the thought of writing a dissertation.

[somedizzywhore1804]

Don't despair. I had a nervous breakdown in the final year of my degree. I stuck my head in the sand for months BUT when I eventually told someone and got help via the university I did manage to graduate (and with a 2:1). You can too!

[Katkins1]

Thanks all. Dissertations are very hard, lasting light! I need to finish my first chapter tomorrow, and start my second, which I can hopefully finish over the weekend. If I plan it right, by the end of March I might have a dissertation to draft and re-draft in to, but will have to see!