Hesitating about starting on ADs, need advice

[springykyrie]

GP has given me a script for citalopram. I have experienced a terrible loss and I am very (very) sad but I don't have the usual symptoms of depression eg I sleep well, concentration is fine, physically sprightly etc. I cry because of the sadness but it's all within 'normal' bounds eg I don't weep copiously in inappropriate places. I don't have any anxiety, though my thoughts are bleak, but that's because the situation is (looks) bleak, and I battle with hopelessness. It is a bereavement of sorts, I am struggling to come to terms with the significant loss.

I tried seroxat a year ago and it didn't suit at all - mainly digestive problems that were a pain and didn't clear up after about 5 months; also flat emotions. I need to 'feel' the good things in life when the future is/looks bleak.

So is this 'normal' loss/bereavement or do I need a helping hand?

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss , it sounds like you've had a really tough time.
What you describe sounds well within normal parameters for bereavement, but bereavement (and depression) present in different and similar ways, with different people, so it's really hard sometimes to say what's what.

Also, different AD suit different people at different times, so while you didn't find seroxat useful, you may find that citalopram helps. I can't tell you what to do, but if I were you, I'd consider taking the AD, for long enough (a couple of months) to see any clinical benefit. As an aside, as I find that the two often work best together, have you been offered/thought about some therapy, to help you to process your loss?

It sounds as if you would benefit a lot more from counselling than medication.

Thanks for insights, both. I realise my thread title looks like I'm asking people to tell me what to do - not so! I mean more that I need to bounce this off people, particularly people who are au fait with mental health iyswim. Because I tend to think that this is the 'normal' bereavement pain. Which is intense and longstanding.

I agree that counselling would be 'more' beneficial but I'm having the devil's job getting effective counselling (I have a thread about it - very bad experience with a very crap therapist). I think I need to organise my thoughts, and counselling would be the place to go for that.

I don't feel ill, as such, just very, very sad. I have had depression in the past, a number of times, and this is nothing like that. Just tremendous, unbearable sadness. I bumped into a woman (I used to know her in a depression support group) in the supermarket - her daughter committed suicide about 5 years ago ( ) - the woman is like a zombie and is clearly up to her neck in medication. Perhaps unbearable pain needs numbing for a while??

Thanks for the hug, Millie. Exactly what I could do with, by the bucketload.

Where the pain shows is that I can't function eg I haven't been able to work (2 years and counting [cry]), I find it very difficult to get dressed, organised etc. I have routines but my life is tiny. It's all a bit pathetic and I would like to be living, not existing. I can't seem to even begin to get beyond the pain.

For what it's worth I'd always say don't touch them with a barge pole.20 years of experience on one after another. And 8 months to ween myself off them.i was unhappy not depressed.took me a long time to work that out.also they turned my emotions and reactions off.everyone has to do what's right for them. Good luck

It sounds to me like you're feeling normal grief.
My mum suffered badly with depression back in the 1980s, she did recover but it took a few years.

Her brother died last year and she was just devastated, so sad, found it hard to get out of bed, had no motivation and no joy in life. But she knew, she just knew, it was grief and not depression as she'd had before. Her GP automatically offered medication (as they do) but she said no. And things did get better, as she knew they would.

If you can find a good counsellor it will help you a lot. Be kind to yourself, you're going though a tough time.

Thanks, that's really helpful.

I don't think I'm ill - and ADs are, after all, powerful psychotropic drugs (I'd love to be zonked out somehow, if I'm honest, but I don't think it is the answer). There's a time and a place for them but I don't think it's now.

Thanks for the kindness too.