Today I plucked up the courage not just to go to the doctor but to actually admit to how bad I feel. I even admitted to cutting myself for the first time ever. Only ever admitted to it on MN before.
It was a disaster. I thought I couldn't feel worse but I do. He said he didn't have time to deal with mental issues as he had sick people to see. He said he didn't see why I felt I needed a doctor and when I showed him some of mycuts and scars he just shrugged and said and?
I've requested an appointment with an other dr but the first available appointment is a week away. I feel so guilty like I've stopped a sick person seeing a doctor. Feel like I've been so selfish. I'm hiding from sharp things because the urge to punish myself is so strong.