Hello, thank you for your replies.
I manage pretty well most of the time but when I get a bout of it, it's bad and I get to not wanting to go out etc.
It's all manifested at the moment over another baby initially, I want one, I do but I am terrified. My last pregnancy saw me bleed, vomit, have kidney problems, become diabetic on 5 injections a day and blood testing, have ante natal depression and spd so bad I couldn't walk in the end. Not to mention the fact that DP left me at 16 weeks, then came back and left again. We are together now and have both worked very hard at our relationship.
So I become a nightmare when anxious. Hyper vigilant to things not done properly and manic about getting things done, this sparked a row on Saturday over chores so I ended up escaping for the weekend to my parents as I knew my anxiety was magnifying things.
Got back only for DSS who was supposed to be watching DD to let her roll off a high bed and result in a&e visit. She's thankfully fine. DSS is 16 and was playing on his phone - major source of annoyance!!
So he went to his mums last night and told her how awful we are bla bla bla and cried, when actually he was feeling guilty and he needed to just stay here and face the music and smooth the waters. He then started on that he had to go because he's scared of us which is crap, I've shouted at him less than 5 times in 5 years!! His dad can get cross but again rarely and certainly no aggression. We are good parents, talk about sex, girls, school etc etc.
so today we have confiscated his phone for a week, he agreed and understands why etc. his mum calls up DP going ballistic about it, she has email, Skype and the house phone to contact him but he had omitted to tell her this conveniently hoping he'd get the phone back!!!
So now id like DP just to text her explaining that the shouting is not ok and that if there's an issue we're happy to talk however we respect her parenting when DSS is with her and we would ask the same of her when he is with us (he lives here)
All this together has tipped me. DP doesn't want to antagonise her but I feel our parenting was totally undermined and DSS was manipulative by not telling her the whole story.
So now I'm crying, shaking and swearing and can't sleep.
Nothing works. I have prescription diazepam but hate taking it :( I get worried I won't hear DD