Having a low day

[Judyandherdreamofhorses]

I can't seem to bring myself out of it and do anything. I'm not at work - I was sick yesterday morning and although wasn't again, I had terrible insomnia all night (hardly slept at all), so haven't gone in today either.

I love my job, so it's not that.

DD is at school and DS out with our nanny.

I've been back to bed but could only manage an hour's sleep.

I want to take the time I've got to get myself feeling better, but can't motivate myself. Don't even fancy taking the dog out (although I will) as I don't want to be alone with my thoughts.

Hi Judy,
Is this the first time you've felt like this? or are you suffering from depression? XX

No, I've been depressed before, and had very nasty antenatal depression with DS (now 19 months) but have been okay since then. This hasn't been going on long enough. Just a few days - post half term slump maybe. Got through the usual miserable January just fine.

I have been having lots of horrible intrusive thoughts, but not bad enough to stop me doing anything and not enough for medication. My experiences of talking therapies have been dire. It was really difficult to get treatment (aside from ADs) for the AND (rural area and poor access to to perinatal care). When I did, it was one session pre birth and one post birth. The therapist told me I was causing my own problems by breastfeeding (!!) so I didn't see her again. After that, I was sent a letter from a different NHS service when DS was 9 months old, offering me treatment for my 'antenatal' depression.

So I don't hold out much hope for support!

OK, so it's really scary to wake up feeling low I'd imagine. it could just be a 'low' day and hopefully that's all it is. Like you say, going out for a walk might do you some good.
I had a bad experience with counselling too. But then I decided to see another lady with a different approach, more human basically, and I cried with relief afterwards as she really understood me.
Maybe try getting a book on CBT. I bought one from the 'for dummies' series which is really useful and gives you simple exercises to try. The other book a friend recommended to me is 'the mindful way through depression.' I also downloaded an audio book on mindfulness which I found helped me relax.
It's horrible when you feel let down by the NHS isn't it. It makes you feel more alone. Being a mum can be so hard sometimes. There's so much pressure on us to be happy all the time, that if we don't we feel guilty.
XXX

Thanks, , you make lots of sense.

I'm going to put a load of washing on, then go out with be dog.

Good idea - keep busy and then make yourself a cup of tea and have a nice hot bath. Try not to panic about your mood, tell yourself you're having a low day and that you'll feel better tomorrow. Get an early night tonight if you can and hopefully you'll sleep better tonight.
If it persists see the GP and ask for CBT. If you can affford it go private as then you can get an appointment almost immediately. Also, try and make time for yourself. XX