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Original poster

Please tell me it can get better!

12 replies

melbournemum · 09/08/2006 07:53

I was diagnosed 3 months ago with pnd, my ds2 is 14 months old. I felt like the medication was working for a bit (on and off) and counselling was helping but I am steadily tracking back down again and just feel desperate. I feel like I can't live this way, just existing, and struggling and dragging myself through every day and being half a mother to my two beautiful ds's and less than half a wife to my lovely dh. The vibrant woman he fell in love with has all but disapeared and when I'm not shouting at the boys or him, I'm in tears or exhausted. I'm struggling just to cook decent meals for the boys and wake up every morning dreading the day with them, these two gorgeous little people that I love with my whole heart. I don't feel like this is a life but I truly don't know what to do now. I'm sorry this is long and rambling, I'm just in utter despair.

OP posts:
Mumbojumbo · 09/08/2006 08:24

Hi melbourne mum
Just wanted to offer a big [hug] and say hang in there. Can you get to you GP at all and talk about how you are feeling. It may be that the AD's need adjusting. Are you stil having counselling - could you speak to your counsellor? Have you got family near by who could give you a hand with your little one to give you a break. It's such hard work - how old is ds1? I had PND with my ds's and it took a while to get out of it but I got there in the end - it does take time.
I'm sure you'll get lots of great advice from mumsnetters, I just wanted to bump this up for you.
Take care
mj

Original poster
melbournemum · 09/08/2006 08:47

thanks mj
I do need to do practical things like go back to the gp, I've just been worried that it could spiral into an endless increase in medication and I'll be on them forever. I wonder sometimes if I will never feel like my old self again or if this is it.
I really appreciate your post though, its good just to talk/write about it to be honest.

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Lawlass · 09/08/2006 08:54

Had pnd too, although am feeling better now. One of the ways I coped was to have a ridgid routine - all days filled with things to do - bus trips to shops, visit to friend, local toddler group. Same things at same time every week and almost no unfilled time and no deviation. This reduced the feelings of "omg, how am I going to get through today".

Also could not face cooking or anything like that for a while - children now very appreciative of salads and fresh fruit.

Might also be a good idea to have a couple of hours a week if possible where you have to be niether mother or wife. My dh will drop me off in a nearby town sometimes, I will buy a book or a magazine and sit in a coffee shop and read and forget about the lot of them. Do whatever is relaxing for you.

Final thought and no idea if its relevant to you - don't feel guilty and don't give a stuff what anyone else thinks. You are doing your best - no more that you can do and pnd is an illness you can do nothing about.

Hang in there!!

Mumbojumbo · 09/08/2006 08:57

I promise you, I felt the same. I was really worried that I'd be on AD's forever and be this "horrible person" who just shouted and cried all day and felt useless and a bad mummy. I'd put on a "brave face" to my friends so they didn't know I had PND. It's bad enough going to the docs in the first place - I had to write everything down on a piece of paper, walked into my docs, gave it to him and burst into tears......best thing I could have done really. It does take time but you will return to your old self.

I found this book Surviving Post Natal Depression useful, and also the Association of Post Natal Illness have some good advice for those close to you (hubby/family/friends) about what they can do for you.

HTH
mj

schneebly · 09/08/2006 09:01

Sounds like me a few months back and I am a lot better now without any medication (although I wouldn't advise stopping meds you have been prescribed!). I talked to my HV was referred to a specialist nurse who I see occasionally. I have also been taking a b vit complex and I found it a great help to list the thigs in my life which were contributing to my feeling depressed and then listed steps to change these things which has been a huge help!

Examples..

contributing factor to depression - my weight
step taken - join slimming world - lost 1 stone so far.
contributing factor - boredom at home
step taken - taking a course

These are just 2 of the many things I have done to try and change my life for the better and I feel so much better. You will get through this and MN is here for you.

schneebly · 09/08/2006 09:07

this is good to read- written by a mumsnetter here

Original poster
melbournemum · 09/08/2006 09:47

thanks everyone for your thoughtful tips and advice, just having some support makes me all teary (in a good way) as I don't really have anyone to talk to about it (apart from dh who I'm sure gets sick of hearing about it and the counsellor who I'm not sure is the right person for me) Does anyone know much about cbt? I thought I might look into that as it seems like it works for a lot of people.
My ds1 is 3 mj. They are both delightful which makes it even harder, they don't deserve the kind of mother I've become at the moment, no patience, no energy to play with them and a well of regret in my heart already.
I read the post you linked to schneebly, its amazing, beautiful and I am going to email it to dh tomorrow. It just describes it so perfectly x

OP posts:
sydneygirl · 09/08/2006 10:01

Melbourne mum, are you actually in Melbourne?
I know my name says Sydney, but I'm in Melbourne also, down in the Mt Eliza area. Are you near??

Original poster
melbournemum · 09/08/2006 11:31

Hi Sydneygirl
I am in Melbourne, in Sandringham, so not far at all... my MIL is in Mornington

OP posts:
Original poster
melbournemum · 09/08/2006 11:31

Hi Sydneygirl
I am in Melbourne, in Sandringham, so not far at all... my MIL is in Mornington

OP posts:
Original poster
melbournemum · 09/08/2006 23:30

schneebly I just wanted to say thanks for the practical steps you suggested. Last night dh and I sat and had a reallly good talk and came up with a few ideas and this morning I actually do feel so much more positive. I just have to keep the momentum going now. Thank you all so much, mumsnet really does provide the most amazing support. xx

OP posts:
schneebly · 10/08/2006 10:53

I am really glad you are feeling a bit more positive. Just talking about it is a big help.

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