Mental Health and working.

[JupiterGentlefly]

I am quite new in here (today) but am a regular poster. i have had MH issues for years. Originally thought to be depression but unlikely now we don't know and am waiting for a screening.
I work, and love working. I work for myself and am the classic swan. All graceful and serene on the top and flapping around underneath. My home life is a disaster and my thoughts are all over the place.
I feel I need support in many areas of my life. A diagnosis for a start and the correct treatment, however my worry is that because I appear to be confident I am worried I won't be taken seriously. Do any other people here appear outwardly 'ok' and get support.
I have two children who are fed watered and loved and are clean. I am a good parent (though not the best) Everything else is a fucking shambles.

You could have just described me with your post! Although your description of 'swan' is much better than mine... I call myself a duck! do you feel that others realise how chaotic things are under the surface?

Hi Caramel! Glad to know I am in company. I don't think anyone knows how I feel because I put a 'face' on. Its a tough one as thankfully my emotions are not so extreme that I feel suicidal, though I would like to 'disappear' and perhaps restart from scratch. I Sadly knew two people who did commit suicide, and my overwhelming shock was tinged with 'gosh I spoke to him yesterday and he was fine' when he clearly was not fine so I wonder how many of us are 'functioning'?
By the way I am not functioning in the slightest. I do not mean to offend anyone by saying that
I darent tell my mother how I feel. She thinks I need to 'organise' myself.
Yes I must start on that list..

I totally empathise. I appear quite confident and have a good job in management but also have ocd so underneath the confidence I have a lot of shame. its difficult maintaining such a front and it is exhausting. does anyone in RL know how you feel?

also, you must give yourself more credit...parenting is very difficult and if your dcs are well looked after than you must he functioning on some level!

I am. Its all on a basic level though. Very basic. Not even in a can't be arsed kind of way.. (though I really cannot be arsed does that make sense?)
OCD? is that the tidiness? I have obsessive thoughts.. on a loop that will not give me any headspace.

I'm the same! Do great in my studies (even when I think I'm not/can't remember), lovely DD, messy house and finances all over the place but I muddle through. Only time I struggle is when exhaustion hits. I have friends that I e-mail or talk to; I just say all sorts to them and they ignore it (if necessary). Do you have any friends you can phone/ e-mail?

I'm defo not the tidying type of ocd I'm a checker and an organiser...I can organise myself so much I never get anything done! what kind of thoughts do you have? do you have anything at all that helps distract you? you mentioned depression... do you think there is more to the way that you feel that just being depressed?

hi katkins... good to hear from another fellow swan/duck

I cried on the bus home from work this evening, even though I am really happy today overall (DH got a job, yay!).

I actually was tempted to start a thread about it.

I keep making silly decisions at work that land me in trouble. Not like major trouble, my job is not life and death :o but a quick 'talk' which I hate.

I am hideously anxious - have been dxd with depression since age 14 but really have only recently discovered (now 27) that actually it's anxiety that is the root of it. A psychiatrist told me I have OCD.

Anyway it makes me really paranoid, I constantly worry about doing the wrong thing and rarely do but then occasionally like today I make a split second WRONG decision and then worried about it. It is like I can't make good decisions, or I'm sabotaging myself.

And no OCD is not necessarily about tidiness, it can be the opposite (hoarding) or it can affect all sorts of other parts of life.

I love the swan analogy. That really applies to my brain. It is totally exhausting being in my head. I wish it would shut up TBH.

Sorry for waffle; I'm really tired and am off to bed now but just wanted to say you are not alone!

Caramel my head loop doesn't give me time to be distracted! Thanks everyone for replying. I an exhausted. I honestly thought I might have been sectioned earlier today. I am in a slightly better place. . My anxiety was so bad I had a stutter for most of the morning :(