Worried that I'm seeing signs

[WorriedAboutSigns]

Have namechanged for this...

Does anyone else think that the universe (?) is sending them signs?

I am being treated for depression but am still struggling with suicidal thoughts. All this week though, I keep thinking that maybe someone or something is telling me to do it.

A friend lent me a book & one of the characters attempted suicide the same way I have been thinking about. I hurt myself in the gym and my mum came round with loads of painkillers. I can't take them with my ADs but she doesn't know that, so now I have enough for an od. My ds and his friends have taken to telling each other to "go and kill themselves" I know they don't really understand what they are saying.

The rational part of me knows its all coincidence and I'm only noticing these things because I'm thinking about it all the time. But there is a small part that thinks maybe it's a message and I should pay attention.

I realise that sounds like I am going mad and I'm scared. I have to see my GP tonight anyway, but I am scared if I tell her this she will think I have got worse. Has anyone had any experience of this, what did your doc say?

Writing this down makes me think I do sound crazy...

This is a kind of form of anxiety or OCD like obsessive thoughts. I have experienced it when I was very stressed out. When you see the GP, please mention it. It is not you being mad. I used to believe if I worse certain clothes something bad would happen etc.

I think you're seeing things that you want to see. You're super aware because these thoughts are already there. When I was pregnant all I saw was pregnant women and babies. I think mentioning it to your GP is really important. I'm suffering with anxiety and depression at the moment and have been put on antidepressants. It's really important to talk through with your doctor how you're feeling and they will certainly not think you're mad.

I have had exactly the same thing, it is very confusing isn't it?

It is important you tell someone asap and seek support. There is medication out there which can help you to think a bit more clearly.

I found people (MH professionals) to be very understanding about it and helpful.

I still sometimes see signs but find it easier to rationalise these days.

If you want to chat more about it feel free to personal message me.

Thanks for the replies.
I'll speak to my doctor later, see what she says.
I have had such a hard time admitting I'm ill in the first place, I really don't want to add more to the list of things that are wrong with me. Even though I know hiding it doesn't help either.
It's helped writing it out, I think. Thanks

I hope it went well with the doctor?

I saw a dying black swan. Not sure if it was a sign for me to die. I could feel it that it was dying and she knew it. It disappeared so I think it was hallucination.

What you describe I don't have experience but hopefully your doctor knows.