I don't love dh and want to end my life.

[Suicidal5833]

I am a regular but have nc i have bipolar and since my episode started I've fallen out of love with Dh. The problem is I've fallen in love with another. I hate myself for this Dh is a good man and he is still my best friend but I just don't love him anymore.

I can't leave because I'll lose the house and I don't wanna do that to my kids. I feel so trapped and that my only way out is suicide. I've even started taking drugs and as a child of a addict it's something I swore never to do. Which only makes me hate myself all the more I don't get out of bed nd the only time I'm happy is when I'm with the person I love or on drugs. I can't seem to wait for my next hit so I can escape this hell. I'm such a pathetic excuse for a mother. I'm doing to my kids what was done to me.

From what you have written it sounds to me that you are a caring mother.
You know that what you are doing is wrong and you want to give a better life for your children.

The fact that you know this makes you a good parent, you obviously love your children very much. You want whats best for them and its important for you to understand that you won't feel this way for ever. You are currently riding a storm but it will pass!

Please if you havnt already go and see your GP and talk to them about these feelings. If you can't do that please tell someone close to you that you can trust.
I have been in a place of no hope and wanting to end my life and I have come out the other side! Im not saying it didn't effect my children but they are now well balanced and have a caring nature. I believe that these things can shape us as a person and make us stronger, if I had ended it through my despair I'm not sure the outcome would have been so positive.

I believe if my children and I hadn't gone through the storm together we wouldn't be the strong characters we all are today.

Please don't ever think there is no hope, we are stronger than we think. I will be thinking of you and know you can find that inner strength.

Focus on yourself and getting yourself well, the rest will follow!