I have long term mental health issues (personality disorder, bipolar, anxiety, depression) are some of the names been banded about over the years, no firm diagnosis as I usually don't stick around long enough.
My main issue is emetophobia, I have had this for as long as I can remember. Over the years it has been really bad (was virtually homebound in my 20's) and sometimes a lot better (able to go on holiday).
Anyway, I had a breakdown (for want of a better word) 2 years ago and was unable to work for over a year I then got a job in a residential home and really enjoyed it.
However, before Christmas there was an outbreak of d & v and I unfortunately caught it. Now before this I actually hadn't been sick for years and I think over time the true horror of being sick lessened. When I was ill with this bug I wanted to die (no exaggeration). I was off work for a week and my anxiety levels went through the roof. Going back into work was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I have now regressed to how I was years ago (restricted diet, OCD very bad and I don't want to leave the house unless necessary). I've started CBT 2weeks ago and I just feel at my wits end. I don't know what to do about work I feel physically sick every minute I'm there, my anxiety is so bad I'm near to tears for the whole shift.
I was at work yesterday and someone was sick, I hid in the toilet and only came out when I knew it had been dealt with. I'm looking for another job but nothing so far but I feel like I can't go back, I'm due in on Friday and feel like I'd rather sever my own arm than go back there!
I don't really know what I'm asking, I just feel so fed up with it all.