Help - PND is such a bastard

[MrsNutella]

Well the subject line really says it all.... DH has had a month's Elternzeit * and before that he was off for Christmas. So he has been at home for ages and it has been lovely having him around and having his support.
But I think I have been burying my head in the sand and now that he is going back to work next week I am really really dreading it. On top of that DS's sleep has been haywire with walking and now teeth and we are both worn out and stressed.

I just feel so pathetic and I need to know that's the PND and that how I feel is some kind of normal. Even if it isn't a great normal. But that it will get better.
If that makes sense.

I had a total melt down at DH this morning. DS is 12, almost 13, months old and is supposed to be starting going to a Childminder 3 mornings a week. I was supposed to take him this morning for a settling in session but it was all too much for me.

I'm also 14 weeks pregnant, I know my hormones are going mental and I want to stop feeling so rubbish about myself but I just don't know how to pick myself up and get started. The dr won't prescribe anything except therapy - which is great but I have to find a therapist and that means ringing around and explaining the problem in German. That takes a lot of effort and time. The therapists are well booked up and don't have appointments for weeks; so after finding the time to ring them, and the energy to explain it in German it feels so pointless when I then can't get an appointment.

I don't know what I want by posting this here but I need help and right now I don't know what to do.

(we live in Germany and here the mat and pat -leave available is very good. DH has had the whole month off and he gets about 65% of his normal pay)

If anyone is about please just tell me this will pass. I've had such a rotten day today and I really want to feel better but right now I don't know how.

It will pass, and being pg must make it so much harder with all those hormones around. I had PND when I had my DS who is now 10.5, and I remember feeling like it would never get better, but it does in the end :)

In the meantime, look after you and just do what is needed to get through.

Sorry I don't have time to write more now, but wanted you to know I read your post and that it will improve in time xx

Thank you ET.

MrsNutella...it will get better, I promise. I've had PND since the birth of my DD 2 years ago, and there have been some very dark times, but slowly and surely it has been getting better. I find the worst part is that if I am just having a crap day, my mind goes off on one and it feels like the world is coming to an end...it really isn't, and it takes a lot of time to learn to push those thoughts aside..

I would imagine that those nasty pg hormones causing havoc for you right now, just take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself. Write off the crap days and take lots of photos of the good days so you can look back.

If you can't access face to face counselling, I've found mindfulness really really helpful in getting to grips with my pnd. There are loads of free online resources and a couple of very cheap short courses too, which you might find useful.

x

Hi, I think many people find Jan hard - having had husbands/partners around over Christmas and then the January blues hit. Combine that with tiredness of pregnancy and a 1yr old. People find having young children etc exhausting with or without pnd, so yes there are awful days but also bad days.

Did you have pnd after child number one, if so what treatment did you receive? Can you use any of the skills learned in that? If not is the pnd diagnoses since 2nd pregnancy? Is much of the issue being at home alone with a 1yr old whilst pregnant? If so, whilst you wait for a counsellor to help you talk through issues what practical changes could help you?

-Can you and Dh plan his holiday for the year, when he takes pat leave etc so you can break time down into chunks?

• when ds settled at childminder will that help you?
• do you work and if so does that help?
• does it help getting out and having a routine ( eg baby classes, toddler groups, swimming, play centres etc)?
• do you have any family there, or that can plan a visit?
• would having a mother's help type person in the house a few hours a week help? Cost is probably the same as one therapy session privately. If such a thing exists? To help you with toddler and in the home and for company?

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

AD's are prescribed for pregnancy people. You may need to request to see a psychiatrist in Germany to get that prescription if you think they would help?

Thank you all! Today was a much better day.
I'm still worried about DH going back to work next week but I am trying to be positive that it is February and spring is that bit closer.

Mrsa thank you, you're right about the bad days. They do seem to just spiral into darkness sometimes. And thank you also for your advice about writing off those dark days. I tend to beat myself up for so many things that I haven't done, or finished, or achieved that I really should have managed because they seem so easy.
I'll try to remember your words next time I start to do tht to myself.

Silver below is a summary of my diagnoses and answers some of your questions. The other ones about planning holiday etc are good, thank you. I will show them to DH.

DS was born last January. Into apparently the longest darkest winter in Germany for 40 years or something - so we had a great start.
I struggled on hoping everything would get better and tried to keep myself busy. In the end I had to admit I am utterly completely miserable and I cannot carry on like this.
I don't know how to break out of it, I don't know what the cause is. I'm not sure when it started. I feel like I'm peering into dark, lost, loneliness.

I was diagnosed with PND in October and have been struggling since then to find time to ring up the therapists. Here you go to your dr and they say "yes you need therapy" and give you a refferal for that treatment/therapy (anything specialised). But then instead of going on a waiting list you have to find the appropriate specialist yourself by ringing round and then you go on their waiting list.
I'm hoping to do something for myself, a small job - waitressing, whatever I really don't care, just someyhing to get me out of the flat and keep me busy.

I've only been in Germany for three years and I few close friends here. I emailed one mummy friend yesterday about how I was feeling and did she know anyone in our group (I met her through an international group - she is also British which is a massive soothing presence in itself) that I could talk to. She emailed me such a lovely response. I'm hoping we can meet up soon for a good cry chat. I feel really positive about speaking to her because I'm struggling talking to anyone about how I feel.

Sorry that became a massive essay.