Still anxious about appointment could u read this

[Notonaschoolnight]

Hi and thank you

It's pretty much what I posted earlier but without forum speak so I can print it tomorrow and hand over to read if I'm struggling, does it sound ok make sense etc?;

I think I may be depressed but I try to convince myself otherwise and call it PMT, moody ,negative or stressed I've been this way since I started puberty about 30y ago. I did have counselling through work about 13 years ago and about 9 years ago I plucked up the courage to see a doctor a nice man who gave me antidepressants, but at the time i could accept that I was very stressed with 2 kids at 2 and under and in the middle of a 2year long sleep deprivation headache and I only took the tablets for 5 days, partly because I couldn't handle the side effects making me feel worse and partly because taking them didn't sit comfortably with me and certainly not with my husband, so I stopped taking them, convincing myself I was just stressed not depressed.

Convincing myself it was stress with 2 kids inc 1 disabled, no family to help and call centre job I hated, not enough joint income etc wasn't hard.

But my low mood never went away for anymore than a couple of weeks and now we have a good income coming in, I only have to work part time in a better job, I have a puppy which I'm out walking 3 times a day, in the last couple of months I've been to classes and learned to swim which I love. I no longer drink alcohol to make myself feel better. Though I do still comfort eat because I'm more active than ever I've lost weight.

Despite this I am as unhappy and difficult to live with as I've ever been? I worry so much about so many parts of my life almost constantly, I feel like I think all the time rarely do I think positively.

I've been take 1000mg of St. John wort for about 10o days, which has made no difference, plus I take headache tablets more frequently than I think is right

I've made this appointment to get treatment to help me be normal. I'm so unhappy for the vast majority of the time and while I feel this way I can't feel happy about any aspect of my life and I can't think of anymore I can do to help myself than what I'm already doing.

I think that looks like a useful picture of your past and present feelings and circumstances. Are you taking it to the GP? Hopefully you'll get good support. Some practices have a GP who specialises in mental health it might be worth asking. they might ask you what support you want, they could possibly offer you some kind of talking therapy like CBT or counselling, or possibly antidepressants. Don't feel ashamed about taking them my DH was a bit funny about it to start with.

Hi yes I have a GP appoint tomorrow but it'll be with a random doctor I want to think I'll be able to talk but I don't know how ill start and I'm worried I'll not be able to explain myself so thought I'd have this as a back up

If you think you have been like this since childhood it may be a type of depression called dysthymia. I read about it on here and thought it described me like a textbook case. That is what prompted me to go the dr as I'd just thought I was a moody, miserable person. The GP I saw was very sympathetic & asked me lots of questions so I didn't have to think too much! I could have had medication there & then but preferred to have a referral to go through things in more detail.

Anyway, what you have written is a good account. You could add in something specific about whether you are able to take enjoyment in things other than the swimming.

Leaving in 10mins feel ill

Come back I managed ok had a couple of wobbles but didn't need print out I have 20mg fluoxetine and a number for counselling but when I've looked at the counselling leaflet it says its for parents of ill children so not for me I've got to go back in 4 weeks so I'll get right number then I'll have enough on my plate getting used to the side effects

Well done on going and getting how you're feeling across.

Making an appointment with a doc and going are big steps, well done. Fluoxetine has kept me sane for more than a year now and without noticeable side effects - they aren't compulsory!

Thank you lasting, that's good to hear.